Quotes from Robert D. Enright

Primul pas spre iertare este s? recuno?ti c? e?ti furios ?i acesta poate fi cel mai dificil pas. Prima persoan? pe care iertarea o schimb? este chiar persoana care iart?.

The forgiveness process, properly understood and used, can free those bound by anger and resentment. It does not require accepting injustice or remaining in an abusive situation. It opens the door to reconciliation, but it does not require trusting someone who has proven untrustworthy. Even if the offender remains unrepentant, you can forgive and restore a sense of peace and well-being to your life. The choice is yours.

If you are willing to use the forgiveness process, I believe that you may be able to find freedom from anger, resentment, bitterness, and the self-destructive behavior patterns that accompany them.

Joseph was left for dead by his jealous brothers, yet he rose to power in Egypt. Having the opportunity to punish those same brothers years later, he instead showed unconditional love, embracing and helping them before they ever repented.

Resentment, on the other hand, involves re-feeling the original anger. We remember the injury and re-feel the emotions surrounding the hurt. Anger is like a flame, resentment like a hot coal.

dead coals can be hot enough to start a fire that will burn down an entire forest.

those who will not forgive for themselves or for the sake of the offender will be motivated to forgive because they see that they hurt others by deciding to hold on to resentment.

Forgiving is a choice. It is a gift given to someone who doesn't deserve it.

Margaret Holmgren, a philosopher at Iowa State University, believes that the one who forgives shows self-respect because the forgiver refuses to be controlled by the bitterness of that injustice any longer.

Must the Forgiver Trust the Offender? The simple answer is no. This should put to rest the fear that forgiving opens oneself to being injured again. On the contrary, forgiving is one of the best ways to stop a pattern of repeated injury.

Love wants the best for others, and the best is that they no longer offend. If we are complicit in the offense, as in the case of giving money to a compulsive gambler knowing that he may squander it, then we are not showing love. Forgiveness is free; trust must be earned. Sometimes trust is never justified.

No one deserves to be abused, and anger is the proper response to unjust abuse.

The forgiveness process, properly understood and used, can free those bound by anger and resentment. It does not require accepting injustice or remaining in an abusive situation. It opens the door to reconciliation, but it does not require trusting someone who has proven untrustworthy. Even if the offender remains unrepentant, you can forgive and restore a sense of peace and well-being to your life.

At first, people want to harbor anger, thinking that it shows self-respect to remain angry. "He can't do this to me. I won't take it!" Eventually, they come to see that the harbored anger is compromising their personality. They are more surly and hot-tempered than they were before.

But if you find that your anger hasn't passed away in a reasonable amount of time or if weeks, months, or years after the hurtful event you are still ruminating over the injury, plotting revenge, or feeling the same level of pain, your anger has probably turned into a smoldering resentment. You are a prime candidate for choosing the forgiveness process.

Suppressing legitimate anger is unhealthy. Continually venting anger is also unhealthy.

Forgiving is an act of mercy toward an offender. We are no longer controlled by angry feelings toward this person.