Quotes from Debra Fine

become better conversationalists when we employ two primary objectives. Number one: Take the risk. It is up to us to take the risk of starting a conversation with a stranger. We cannot hope that others will approach us; instead, even if we are shy, it is up to us to make the first move. We all fear rejection at some level. Just remind yourself that there are more dire consequences in life than a rejection

Don't plan a movie/theater date for the first few dates. Interaction is key to getting to know each other.

People like to feel good about themselves. Dating is the perfect opportunity to do that for someone else. Make them feel like they're attractive and interesting. Focus on your date rather than worrying about what he or she is thinking of you.

Don't be afraid of looking dumb or saying the wrong thing. Laughing at yourself is the best way to develop a sense of humor (if you don't already have one) and, at the same time, make people feel less threatened by you.

Small talk is the verbal equivalent of that first domino: It starts a chain reaction with all kinds of implications for your life.

Calvin Coolidge once said, "Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men of talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.

Here are some other examples of digging deeper into a conversation: You ask, How have you been? and get the reply, Busy. Follow-up responses could include: How do you deal with being busy? What is going on that's got you so busy? Describe a busy day for you. Do you like being busy? Does there seem to be a cycle of busy-ness during your year? Do you remember a time in your life when you weren't as busy?

Fifty Ways to Fuel a Conversation 1.Be the first to say hello. 2.Introduce yourself to others. 3.Take risks and anticipate success. 4.Remember your sense of humor. 5.Practice different ways of starting a conversation.

With creative usage of these three elements (questions, follow-up comments, follow-up questions), the possibilities and variations in conversation are virtually limitless.

POSITIVE MESSAGES TO THE SPEAKER •Lean forward •Maintain eye contact •Open up your arms and body •Relax your body posture •Face your partner •Nod and smile

The truth is, most people don't want advice—they want empathy and compassion.

All things being equal, people will buy from a friend. All things being not quite so equal, people will still buy from a friend.

Start thinking of strangers as people who can bring new dimensions to your life, not as persons to be feared.

Showing genuine interest is flattering and essential to conversing. If you are interested in how I lost sixtyfive pounds or how I started my business or anything else about me, I feel special. I also think positively about you and want to continue talking with you. The more interest you show in me, the more interesting you become to me. The simple act of truly being interested in the other person has an amazing effect on the conversation — it just snowballs!

So dating is a great opportunity to hear someone else's stories. Listen to them actively and empathetically—and even share some of your own when it's appropriate—but don't kill the conversation with domination. Listening is a great way to find out if there's something worth pursuing in that person sitting across from you.

The key is to have a genuine interest in what the other person is saying, along with a genuine desire to hear the response. So while you get to be quiet, you do not get to be passive. You must actively participate in the conversation.

Acquaintances. Seek out what's new and keep the conversation rolling with questions like these: •Bring me up to date on . . . •What's been going on with work since I last saw you? •What has changed in your life since we spoke last? •How's your year been? •What's new with the family? •How's your wife/husband/partner? •How's your job at . . . ? •What are your child's college plans?

If another person is friendly to me, I find it easy to be friendly back. However, I don't wait to make sure the other person is friendly before I'm friendly in return.

Ending a conversation by showing appreciation for the interchange You emanate poise and self-confidence when you bid adieu by expressing your gratitude and praising your partner in some way. This is accomplished in much the same way as using a compliment to forward a conversation, and the same rule applies: Be genuine. Done sincerely, offering gratitude will produce a wave of goodwill and a positive association with your name.

Last but not least, you can notice and compliment someone else's behavior. This is the best way to converse with kids. Instead of noticing when they do something wrong, try celebrating positive behavior. It'll go a long way toward furthering communication with them and deepening your bond.

Interviewing Questions •What do you enjoy most about this season of the year? •What got you involved in this organization/event? •If you weren't here, what would you be doing at this very moment? •If you could meet any one person, whom would you choose? •Tell me about an issue that matters a great deal to you. •What has been your most important work experience?

No matter what your chosen topic of conversation, I cannot overstate the importance of being authentic when talking with someone. If you are not genuinely interested in what the other person is saying, no amount of planning or preparation will save you from a doomed conversation. Interest in someone else cannot be feigned.

Interviewing Questions •What word would you say describes you best? •Do you have a personal motto or creed? •Do you have any heroes that you greatly admire? •What did people in high school think you were like? •What do you do that you wish you could stop doing?

Feel-good factor If you want a promotion but come across as aloof or reserved, you'll be overlooked in favor of someone who has warm "people skills"—skills that make others feel good about being around them.