Quotes from Andrea Portes

I mean it's like trying to decide between James Dean and Elvis. Seriously, who could make that choice?

I can't help but wonder...if it's such a big deal for a middle-aged white guy to feel important...What happens when he doesn't?

You look cute in your little uniform." [Jared] Did he read my mind or something? "Yeah? You don't think I look like an Easter egg?" "No. I think you look like I should be asking you to marry me." CRASH!

I cared what everybody thought more than what I thought. Or more than my heart thought. And that makes me an idiot.

I do what he says and I close my eyes and open my mouth and the next thing I know he's got his twenty-eight-year-old tongue in my thirteen-year-old mouth and all I can think is that I don't think the hero is supposed to be doing this.

I know they say that's the way the cookie crumbles and all. But you can't help but wonder why there's any cookie-crumbling going on in the first place.

So you're like… living in the margins, making your case in the margins, trying to make a difference maybe, from the margins...but nobody really wants to listen to you. To see you. 'Cause you're not the story they want to tell.

I'd like a cheese Bunza. French fries. A Dr Pepper --" "Oh, you're a Pepper?" "Yeah, I'm a Pepper. Wouldn't you like to be a Pepper, too?" I can't help but laugh at this guy. He's actually funny. Kind of a surprise. I thought maybe he'd just be some hot lug-head jerk. But this? This is unfair. "And a shake." "Really?" "Yeah. A shake. Instead of Dr Pepper. Oh ... and you. I'd like a date with you. Saturday night.

Whenever I feel like this, I am gentle with myself, pretend like I'm someone else, someone good. I walk on eggshells around myself, like I'm some fragile piece of porcelain you have to place quietly, deliberately back on the shelf.

It doesn't say: "Logan's kid brothers looked like little angels in Star Wars pajamas and that fucking fuckface tried to shoot them dead, and what's the point in God, or anything in the universe after that?" It doesn't say: "God. Where the fuck were you last night?

Pedaling fast fast fast, this is the moment. One of those movie moments you never think is gonna happen to you, but it happens to you, and now it's here.

To be honest, she may be kind of scared of the register. Or maybe she can't add. She is a Christian. I don't think they believe in math.

I'm not sure why anyone on the face of the planet would want to use a bow and arrow. I mean, it seems like a fairly limited field of expertise and usefulness. Unless your name is Katniss.

There were babies, and toddlers, and five-year-old boys in Batman shirts. There was even a little girl dressed as Elsa. For no reason. It's not Halloween. But go ahead, cutie pie, you dress up as Elsa all you want. You do you .

He hangs up. "Told her it was a butt dial. She was very understanding." I blink. "Let me get this straight. You are telling me that the government wants to recruit me for some black ops-type, probably illegal mission and you just said the word butt to the actual president of the United states?" "I am.

Just so you know, I fucking loved you. I fucking loved the daylights out of you.

One hundred and thirteen seconds." "I am in extreme dislike ..." Gasp. "... of this process at the present moment." Gasp. "And also, of you ..." Gasp. "... in a dispassionate sort of way." Madden raises an eyebrow. "Methinks the lady doth protest too much." "Methinks you just like annoying me in my bathing suit. Admit it, you couldn't do this." "Wanna bet?

Jesus. I do not wanna be called a vampire n-word.

Don't worry. We do not have to talk about. We are Russian. We do not talk about feelings all the time and no one has shrink." "I think you all have a shrink. And I think the shrink's name is vodka." This gets a smile out of both of them.

I am an excellent driver. In my mind. When nobody's watching. I could drive circles around you. And even East Los Viva. However, there is the small issue that in the human realm, when I am driving an actual vehicle, which is rare, and there is someone in the passenger seat, which is even rarer - I have a tendency to get nervous. And a bit neurotic. Okay, fine, let's just face it. I am a terrible driver.

Madden sizes me up. "Did you even ever get Christmas presents ...?" "Yes. And Hanukkkah presents. And Kwanzaa. Three Kings Day. Also, Saint Lucia Day and Ramadan. It's important not to play favorites. You know ... you never know who could actually be running this thing ... probably important not to put all your eggs in one basket -" "Stop. Stop talking.

She turns to Madden. "Please don't make me get in the car with her. I have dreams." Madden smiles. I wouldn't think he would have such a familiar repartee with someone with a purple mohawk. "I think Viva has a point; there's really no reason for me to drive." Viva and I both turn to Madden, each of us hoping he will call it a day. "Nice try, Paige. But you never know. Perhaps you'll learn something." "And perhaps YOU'LL learn something." "What is that supposed to mean?" "I don't know, actually.

Okay, I have a follow-up question." Madden exhales. "Yes." "Is this car worth a lot in your human money?" "Paige, there's nothing around. Okay? You're going to be fine. Just get in the car, turn on the ignition, and do the obstacle course." "In that order?" "Yes." ... A 2016 Dodge Viper SRT costs exactly $87,895. I know, because I just crashed one.

But not in life. In life it's just a shrug and I did this thing and then that thing happened, and then this happened. And you never know what the big thing is until you look back and think, OMG, that was it. How did I not know it? It's maddening in a way. How random it is.