Quotes from Rob Temple

Spare a thought for those poor VBP sufferers living abroad, surrounded by relaxed, uninhibited extroverts, going about their daily life with barely a single unnecessary apology passing their lips.

The heartbreak of finding an empty teacup when you thought there was one gulp to go.

Still occasionally mistaking brightness for warmth.

Being required by law to say the word "lovely" immediately after taking the first sip of a new tea.

Saying your meal was lovely, despite a slight fear it might kill you in the night.

Suspecting you've been overcharged, so making sure to frown as you insert your debit card and pay in full.

Accepting a cup of tea when you're in a hurry, resulting in hundreds of tiny, excruciatingly painful, rapid-fire sips.

Never concentrating so hard than when manoeuvring a full cup of tea whilst lying down.

Opening a window to let out a fly and ending up with thirty midges, three wasps, two bees and an owl.

Panicking in a sandwich shop and allowing a distressingly bizarre combination of fillings to occur.

The overwhelming sorrow of finding a cup of tea you forgot about.

Changing from 'kind regards' to just 'regards', to indicate that you're rapidly reaching the end of your tether.

Deciding to spice up the morning by filling the kettle slightly past the recommended level, then thinking better of it.

Washing your best clothes on Tuesday so they'll be almost completely dry for the weekend.

Discovering you've missed your tea's perfect drinking temperature by a fraction of a second.

Shutting yourself in the wardrobe until the window cleaner has finished and left.

Concentrating to within an inch of your life on the pre-flight safety briefing, to compensate for those ignoring it.