Quotes from Andrew Neiderman

Eventually we become part of our surroundings, and they become part of us.

Age is a funny thing. People tend to think it can be measured only by time, but events crowd days into weeks, weeks into months, and months into new years.

Human misery was the trough from which she now fed herself and she felt more comfortable in the presence of other unlucky people. It made her feel less alone, less diminished.

the envy of my bridesmaids and girlfriends. How pretty I was and how handsome Ronnie looked. Even Sherlock Holmes couldn't detect a single doubt, a single threat, an iota of anything ominous. Was everything in life an illusion?

How deeply we can wound our own children,' I muttered, more to myself, but he perked up. 'Feel no fear about it. I spoke to these two kids. I think they wrote off both their parents years ago. Kids sense things sooner than we expect. They're even good at hiding how much they know from us. I'm sure you remember things when you were a child.

Ronnie was actually right to push me toward returning to work. At least I would be exposed to more interesting people, events and conflicts. It wasn't difficult to raise the level over what I had now.

I was going to say I don't like to cheat anyone. I almost said it wasn't in my DNA, but I hesitated. It suddenly occurred to me that one major transgression affects every small indiscretion you might contemplate and makes it seem less important and too little to challenge your conscience. It's not a license to steal exactly, but everything, no matter how contradictory to who and what you were before, suddenly becomes insignificant.

She obviously never thought deeply about something she did so naturally, as naturally as breathing: avoiding reality until it was absolutely necessary to face it. Was it just her or her entire generation? Had they all become Scarlett O'Haras, deciding they would worry about it tomorrow?

happy now that I had kept my hair appointment last week and had the stylistic cut. I almost had canceled it because I hadn't felt the need to look pretty for some time. I was settling on a 'this will do for now' attitude, not only about my hair and my makeup, but my clothes, and even the way I was taking care of the house and shopping for food. One might even say I was down for the count just before I was rescued.

It's as if you've already crossed over; the devil has won your soul. Additional stains don't matter. And yet this wasn't true for me. The idea of fudging my time and squeezing out more money for the work I had done hadn't even occurred to me. Did that mean I had successfully rationalized my adultery, that somehow what I was doing was not immoral and therefore I still had a lily-white soul to protect?

more unselfish than I had been. What was I doing now? Was I finally overcoming that? Were my needs demanding to be addressed, no matter what the potential risk? Was it my time? Did all adulterers go through a similar self-analysis or didn't they give it a second thought? It was certainly easier not to think about it. Could I do that? Could I avoid imagining Kelly's reaction when or if she found out?

Nothing or no one demands you be elsewhere before that happens?' 'No. Envy me?' 'Who wouldn't?' 'Oh, there are old home bodies, even your age or less, who couldn't care less about traveling and shedding responsibilities. You know that. Not everyone has that hunger, that thirst and desire to experience and consume from the wonderful smorgasbord waiting out there.

Little lies are unfortunately what keeps most marriages together these days. I'm just exhausted from the effort to come up with new ones, I guess.

Did he ever love me as much as he loved all this? I didn't suspect him of going to porn on his computer. I never saw any evidence of that. It didn't take away his sexual energy exactly; it took away his attention and the energy to conduct any family socializing. It certainly dampened down romance.

Maybe, ironically, marriages lasted longer because people who really weren't made for each other could put off that realization for years with the distraction. Maybe that was a bad thing because prolonging a bad marriage was worse than cutting it off at the knees.

Right from the beginning, I had the sense that whenever he was trying to convince Pin of something, he was really trying to convince himself.

I didn't want to look at him through rose-colored glasses, knowing all along that what I was seeing could very well be untrue, and yet when I was with him, I welcomed my refusal to search for and find flaws. The irony was I was often sickened by the way my girlfriends made excuses for their husbands, even the way I sometimes made excuses for Ronnie. Of course, we were really making excuses for ourselves, finding ways not to look like fools.

If one found ways to explain her husband's infidelity or disrespect for her, all the others would give her a pass, knowing full well they were either in similar circumstances or anticipating that they would soon be.

don't say "pity" again,' I warned. 'I blame myself for who I am and where I am, and that includes friends and family.' He laughed. 'Maybe you are too hard on yourself. You can't underestimate the power of coincidence and fate. They have a lot to do with who and what you are. Look at us. If I hadn't been standing in that spot in the supermarket and you weren't distracted, we might never have met.

I thought about some of those happier moments in my marriage. I certainly had them. How could I deny the day Kelly was born and the way that had strengthened my relationship with Ronnie, for example? Of course, it did feel as if we were different people then. Time, experiences, events, even other people change us, and if we don't change together, we grow into strangers. Maybe that was all it was; it was no one's fault. Guilt has no place in evolution. It's beside the point.

Kelly stepped out from behind him and my father showed more emotion. Parents always give their grandchildren more affection, I thought. It's as if when their children reach a certain age, that display has to be constricted and put into storage until the grandchildren come along and it can be revived.

Did this happen because of something I did or said?' 'No, nothing specific. If I had to give an answer, it's everything.' 'Everything?' 'Everything about my life, Ronnie. Being with him makes me feel better about myself. I'm sorry. That's how it is.

Kelly's grades aren't bad, which always amazes me when I see how much time she wastes. They're so good, in fact, that I can't get myself to complain about the nonsense she finds to do. Ronnie goes right to the bottom line, as he does with everything else, if I mention her distractions. 'She's doing well. Why complain?' he replies, and I stop. Loneliness has all sorts of ways of showing itself. It's perhaps the most inventive feeling of all.

Books and movies are portals through which we escape from sour reality. They enable us to change our names, our history, our faces and our tomorrows, at least for a few hours. Most people don't realize they are traveling on magic carpets.