Quotes from Joan Lachkar

Being empathic by reaffirming the patients' subjective experiences alone does not distinguish between true empathic resonance and collusion.

The main differences between a self-psychological approach and an object-relational one with respect to deficits is that in self-psychology one strives to understand the subjective experience of the patient, putting aside one's own preconceptions, whereas in object relations the therapist addresses the patient's distortions and misperceptions at face value.

The bitter paradox is that the borderline is never needy enough and the narcissist is never narcissistic enough for each to get their "real" needs met.

There are those individuals who cannot feel a semblance of aliveness unless they are fused/bonded to another in a maladaptive attachment. In addition, the pain is familiar. It is what the child got used to. Another reason is that the disparaging partner who is cruel and sadistic can also be loving and kind. This fuels the already existing confusion and the fantasy that "If I behave, I will be loved.

No one has the right to make you feel like a nothing, but if there is an internal part of you that feels like a nothing, then you are more inclined to identify with the negativity your partner projects onto you.

The psychological tragedy is that when one turns to others for constant recognition, validation, and approval, one cannot hold onto one's own experiences as measurements of success emanating from external reality

Borderlines, who are inclined towards feeling left out and undeserving, tend to identify with the withdrawal. Because of their susceptibility to the projections of others, borderlines do not recognize withdrawal as a maladaptive process. The identification is usually with a split-off aspect of the self that is shrouded in confusion.