Quotes from Edgar H. Schein

Everything You Say or Do Is an Intervention that Determines the Future of the Relationship

The point is that no matter what you do or don't do, you are sending signals; you are intervening in the situation and therefore need to be mindful of that reality. Unless you are invisible you cannot help but communicate, so your choice of communication should be based on what kind of intervention you intend.

When you are giving feedback, try to be descriptive and minimize judgment.

We know that negative reinforcement or punishment works well for behavior that should be eliminated. And we know from feedback theory that the best kind of feedback is descriptive because the client can then make the evaluation. These are valid guidelines but they don't solve some of the subtle issues that can arise in the relationship.

Minimize inappropriate encouragement.

The dilemma in U.S. culture is that we don't really distinguish what I am defining as Humble Inquiry carefully enough from leading questions, rhetorical questions, embarrassing questions, or statements in the form of questions—such as journalists seem to love— which are deliberately provocative and intended to put you down.

In building the helping relationship, encouragement—via positive reinforcement—certainly seems appropriate. But if it is not sensitively handled, such encouragement can quickly become patronizing and insulting. My

Don't we all know how to ask questions? Of course we think we know how to ask, but we fail to notice how often even our questions are just another form of telling—rhetorical or just testing whether what we think is right. We are biased toward telling instead of asking because we live in a pragmatic, problem-solving culture in which knowing things and telling others what we know is valued.

Share your helping problem. More often than I care to admit I have found that when I was supposed to be helping someone, I suddenly did not know what to do next. When this happens, the best thing to do is to say to the client, "At this point I am stuck—I don't know what to do next to be helpful.

we value task accomplishment over relationship building and either are not aware of this cultural bias or, worse, don't care and don't want to be bothered with it.

Gratuitous telling betrays three kinds of arrogance: (1) that you think you know more than the person you're telling, (2) that your knowledge is the correct knowledge, and (3) that you have the right to structure other people's experience for them.

In my personal life, especially as I am aging, I find that the biggest mistakes I make and the biggest risks I run all result form mindless hurrying.