Quotes from Samantha Schutz

Death is the period at the end of a sentence. Someone gone, but still out there, is an ellipsis...or a question to be answered.

I shut my eyes and see a pocket of darkness. I want to fold myself flat and crisp, slip inside of it like a sheet of paper into an envelope.

All of a sudden the world opened up and it's doing it again now. In this garden there are so many stories, so many other problems besides mine.

I have only a general sense of the pain, of not being able to control my body and my thoughts. All I ever wanted was to have control- to be in charge of myself and the rest of the world.

She becomes the voice of reason when there is none

So afraid to go outside, to be happy, to be with other people, because they do not understand what it is like.

I don't think that I am happy, but then again, I don't know. Sometimes I get so caught up in the process of living-- of eating, dressing, taking the train to work, that I don't give it enough thought. Maybe happiness is being content. But is it really?

We need a voice from the outside because our own voices cannot be trusted.

Where are you and what you are doing is something you have done dozens of times before without having any problems. Recognize that you are going to get out of this- that you always get out of this, that you are going to live, that you won't go crazy. I am telling you that you will live, because you always live, because you are strong and beautiful.

I cry and wonder how I'm going to fall asleep because sleeping means waking and going through all this again.

I don't like this idea It is too much focus on something I am trying to forget I am afraid that this attention to detail will only fuel my anxiety

I miss how things were familiar with him, even if it was the familiar feeling of being let down.

I could always count on him letting me down.

The panic, a voice in the distance -loud enough to hear, but quiet enough to ignore.

I am left with a feeling and I cannot tell if it's emptiness or fullness.

It's good to know that I'm not the only unsuicidal person thinking about killing herself.

I know I am sick, I just thought I was better.

Everyone is looking up toward us, but I am looking back.

I an not happy. I am not unhappy. I am frozen somewhere in the middle that is so much worse. I am NOWHERE. Nothing is happening and I am getting more and more sad.

I cry and wonder how I am going to fall asleep because sleeping means waking and going through all this again.

But shouldn't a limitless possibility of bad open the spectrum for a limitless possibility of good?

I hang out inseparably with someone for a few days. We devour each other, tell all our stories, and then move on. Things here are not stable.

I wish I had water. I wish I had something to read.

It feels like I have a raging fever, like my insides are melting. This must be what it feels like the moment before you die.