Quotes from Ari Berk

Why? I mean, how could you know? I don't understand." "Nothing to understand. There is no great mystery in friendship. You brought yourself here, just as I brought myself here to wait for you. I don't even mind that you've kept me waiting.

Silas deliberately ignored that question, which he knew was as much for him as it was for Uncle. It was going to be one of those nights where she'd sink her teeth into a topic and keep chewing and chewing at it.

Maybe love just felt that way, like a kind of fever dream, making things seem both frighteningly close and unbearably far away all at once.

Amos surely left it behind for a reason, and more and more Mrs. Bowe felt she was following a path trod out for her by another. For the time being, she was willing to play the part allotted to her. But she would keep an eye on the boy in her way.

Like him, Uncle had eccentric tastes and liked old things. The difference, Silas was beginning to see, was that Uncle saw such objects as extensions of himself, of his body, essential, required, uniquely his. This thought made Silas uneasy.

The past is a chatty companion, I can tell you.

He'd never called her. Wanted to. A hundred times. But every time he thought about it, his mind boiled up with every reason not to do it, every doubt he'd ever had about himself.

He was beginning to feel his head swim a bit. It all came to this, a glance, a word, a face … everyone he knew was, most of the time, merely a recollection. Then a thought fell on him. Ghosts. Maybe we're all ghosts anyway, just as soon as the moment's passed.

He couldn't help but wonder what people might say at his funeral, or at his father's, should it come to pass. He thought that heaven might be no further afield than the hearts of those people who remember us with love. This was what he would strive for. To be remembered well. In the hearts of others is where we should strive to make our afterlives, he thought.

He wanted their worlds to pull apart and never rejoin.

He stood looking out past the certainty of the empty porch, but he couldn't imagine his father standing anywhere else. It was like listening for the phone to ring, wanting it to ring so badly you convince yourself that you can feel the person on the other end of the line, feel them dialing your number, but then you wait and wait, and it never rings.

You understand too little of what you see. You see a pretty face and hear a loving voice. But she is more than that, Silas. Much more. She is cold water and lack of breath. She is emptiness and oblivion. She is the very tide, drawing things to her and pulling them below.

It was a stalemate Silas was willing to live with, and apparently, so was his mother. They both knew it wasn't about the hem on a pair of pants. One of them was mourning, the other was not, and their individual reactions to Amos's disappearance created a powerful tension. The air in the house was charged with it.

He just couldn't be with people. There were a few kids he sometimes spoke with at school—at lunch, or walking home—but months ago even they had stopped trying to talk to him. Silas had no real answers for their predictable questions.

But not unusual, for good girls sometimes come to bad ends.

Out of gin and tired as hell.

She knew what Silas wanted. He wanted her to believe Amos was alive somewhere. Silas wanted help, clinging to his hope. She knew her son. For all her dislike of how much he was like his father, she knew him.

The day his dad didn't come home, it was like a huge window over their heads had shattered, and every day they were walking through the broken pieces. Nothing fit together. Nothing made sense or seemed connected to anything else, and every step hurt. Maybe in Lichport he'd find a missing shard or two that would help him start piecing things back together.

Right back where you started, she told herself. Right back in the middle of that town. You were out, she told her heartburn. You. Were. Out. Her father once told her that when you leave a place, you should never go back, because no matter what the actual circumstances, it will always look like a retreat, a failure. That was sure how it felt.

He could feel her doing that list thing, where she didn't speak or look at you because she was tallying something in her head. Figuring out how bad you'd messed up.

Here were love letters, the youth knew. Secret love letters. Unfound, still waiting somewhere beyond the mist. A young man's words for this girl, maybe her words for him. Their private words for each other. Somewhere in the world, these letters sat hidden still, but might, at any moment, be found and read, calling her most cherished secrets from their hiding place back into the circle of the sun.

In that moment, he felt like the illusion that his family had become was held together only by the constellation of patterns left by the furniture feet set on a rug, by the runes formed in the shadows that the chair backs threw on the walls, and that once those things were moved or faded, he wouldn't know who he was anymore.

For Silas, Lichport was only a name, like that of a distant cousin or a dead relative he'd never met. Familiar but abstract.

Silas was tired of living in a world where everyone and everything held its breath.