Quotes from Artemus Ward

Why care for grammar as long as we are good?

For people who like that kind of thing, this is the kind of thing they like.

It ain't so much the things we don't know that get us in trouble. It's the things we know that ain't so.

Why is this thus? What is the reason for this thusness?

I am happiest when I am idle. I could live for months without performing any kind of labor, and at the expiration of that time I should feel fresh and vigorous enough to go right on in the same way for numerous more months.

Let us all be happy and live within our means, Even if we have to borrow money to do it with.

I have never heard any of your lectures, but from what I can learn I should say that for people who like the kind of lectures you deliver, they are just the kind of lectures such people like. Yours respectfully, O. Abe.

People who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like.

He's the most married man I ever saw in my life.

Well, for people who like that kind of thing, I think that is just about the kind of thing they'd like.

Trouble will come soon enough, and when he does come receive him as pleasantly as possible ... the more amiably you greet him, the sooner he will go away.