Quotes from Elizabeth B. Brown

One of the great moments of your life will be the first time you are able to maintain control of your own actions and responses when a difficult person is on the rampage. You can do it if you back off! Refuse to argue. Set your limits. Stand as an equal who has the upper hand. You can care about and feel pity for this person whose ugly behaviors cause such chaos, but you don't have to let her control you.

Your choice requires courage, determination, and commitment—and personal ownership.

It takes only one person to change a relationship.

Mark I. Rosen writes, "We admire traits in others that we admire in ourselves; we denigrate others when their behavior doesn't conform to our values. We find it almost impossible to climb inside someone else's head and see the world through different eyes.

We are social creatures, and what others do affects us. It affects our emotions, and emotions are drivers of our health.

Prayer balances out the power struggle in difficult relationships, because when you have a relationship with God, you are no longer so vulnerable or reactive.

Change what you can. Accept that which you cannot change. Forgive it all.

Accepting your reality is only possible when you see the possibilities and options that exist in the relationships that surround you.

Our compliance is our choice. No one can control someone else (unless the person being controlled allows it). No one controls you—unless you allow that control. Sure, she can put the screws to your head, but ultimately what you do within the circumstances of your life is dependent on what you allow and how much you are willing to sacrifice to have things your own way or to win approval.

Screwed-up people are ordinary people who cause hurricanes in your emotions.

Too often close relationships are better at causing demolition than building.

Communication is a combination of right words and sensitive acts.

Prayer is a spiritual tool that shuts your mouth and opens your heart.

You can be positive no matter who tries to bring you down. You can stop being the victim of others and start loving in spite of them.

What you believe will make a difference in the difference you make.

Vision is the starting point of victory.

Healthy faith helps you find solutions and peace, even as you cope with difficult people.

Four ingredients help make self-control possible: humor, prayer, work, and friends.

You are responsible for the way your life turns out, not chance, not someone else.

You can't protect everyone; you can't stop all the wrong; you can't control someone else.

With new vision she would see not only the wrong actions on the part of the screwed-up mother who caused chaos in her life, but her own responses and actions that were adding to the problem. With aerial vision she would fly above the fray and see that it takes two people to keep conflict and control alive.

The closer we are to someone, the more we expect from him. We are disappointed, confused, angry, hurt, encouraged, happy, or ecstatic in our relationships according to how close our expectations meet reality. Realistic vision frees us to relate to those close to us with the same objectivity we are able to use with those who touch our life but are not intertwined with our needs.

Objectivity in healthy relationships encourages each person to be responsible for his own choices and actions and the consequences of them.

The best advice for fighting with a screwed-up person is simple: don't. You cannot be logical with an illogical person. The only way to win is to never, under any circumstances, get pulled into an argument. If you fight, you lose! Questioning choices questions integrity. Suggesting different ideas implies lack of intelligence. Seeking negotiation disputes power. Wanting compromise conveys weakness.