Quotes from Stefanie Wilder-Taylor

Yes, there are women who report feeling madly in love with their babies the second they lay eyes on them. These women are either very lucky or lying or needy, and I don't trust them.

9:00 Give five-minute warning that we are leaving for the zoo. 9:05 Ã¢â'¬Å"Please put your shoes on." 9:06 Ã¢â'¬Å"Please put your shoes on." 9:07 Ã¢â'¬Å"Please put your shoes on." 9:08 Ã¢â'¬Å"Put your shoes on." 9:09 Ã¢â'¬Å"Put. Your. Shoes. On." 9:40 Leave for the zoo.

There was something about seeing my daughter riding her little Radio Flyer tricycle for the first time that made me want to stuff her back in my womb and refuse to let her ever leave the safety of my body again—but not before filling an entire digital memory card with pictures.

I need friends who understand my limitations and have lowered their expectations. They get that although I said I'd be willing to go to an art opening on Saturday night, by the time the weekend rolls around I can only muster up enough energy to watch The Voice and eat a bowl of cereal. I need friends who understand that my version of dressing up is putting on special-occasion flip-flops. Yeah, bitch, they're sparkly and fabulous, yet they can be worn to wash the car!

Oooh, there's a Ziploc baggie with a broken barrette, four pencils that are missing erasers, and some decomposing Easter chocolate (do not under any circumstances eat the choc—oops, too late).