Quotes from Jonathan Berent

As the legendary Green Bay Packers coach Vince Lombardi used to say, you have to know your fundamentals to play a good game.

By the way, once you get over your dependence, you may actually find, as this client did, that it feels good to be self-sufficient; your resourcefulness will then build your self-esteem and give you confidence.)

When avoidance becomes pervasive, it is known as phobia. Phobias develop in different ways. A phobic reaction is one in which a person feels his environment has let him down. As essential component is a perceived loss of control.

Communication Skills As most employers will tell you, performance is based upon your ability both to assess and to respond. You need to be able to assess the person you are speaking to in order to understand what his or her needs are, how the person makes decisions, and what he or she finds valuable. Then, you should be able to respond in an appropriate manner, pointing out your assets and how you could benefit the company were you to be hired.

By clarifying what remains, you also gain an understanding of what is left in your life once you discard these negative items. What is left is what is most important to you. In reality, you may not be able to "discard" the unpleasant or negative things you've thrown in your mental wastebasket. But you can begin to think about ways your relationship to those items, issues, or people might change for the better to improve your self-esteem and reduce your anxiety.

Shakespeare called the eyes the windows of the soul.

One thing I like to tell my clients is that the Chinese word for failure can be interpreted to mean "opportunity.

Body Orientation When someone does approach and speak to you, pay careful attention to the extent to which you face that person. Facing someone directly communicates an interest in him or her, while turning the body away indicates a desire to avoid interaction. Similarly, when you are talking to someone, watch to see whether his or her body is facing you, indicating an interest in interacting, or turning away in an attempt to avoid the conversation.

Courting and Friendship Reciprocals Reciprocals are the signals people give each other to indicate an interest in companionship. When there is physical attraction, these signals include smiling, repeated glances (perhaps with an extra second or two of direct eye contact), and straightening or smoothing of clothes.

The point is, you are capable of change! Life is what you make of it! Use this self-help program to make it all you want it to be. Don't spend your life waiting for your luck to change. Make your own good luck by changing the way you respond. Go for it! The rewards are immeasurable.

Anxiety does not exist to control you. You exist to control it.

it is okay to have anxiety. What is not okay is to let your anxiety control you.

No one is right 100 percent of the time or always says or does exactly the right thing.

Knowing what you're afraid of means you know why your pulse is racing, and that knowledge provides you with a choice: Handle the anxiety in a healthy way by identifying the cause and managing the symptoms, or handle it in an unhealthy way by running from the situation you fear.

I've often heard it said that everything new starts with a thought.

Parents in particular often confuse nurturing with rescuing. To nurture is to empower —to provide the skills and information that will eventually allow for independent, productive living. To rescue is to enable —to perpetuate avoidance of the situation that caused the anxiety in the first place. Empowering should be the overriding goal of every parent. Empowerment allows a child of whatever age to face fears and take responsibility for his or her life.

Once a child enters adolescence, it may become increasingly difficult to raise these issues. Because adolescence is a time of rebellion—of self-definition, of distinguishing oneself from parents and peers—there may be less communication than ever. It is also a time of great emotional and physical change—and therefore a time of intense confusion within. If the adolescent child's self-image gets lost in the shuffle, there may be years of hell to pay.

The more you understand about anxiety, the more you will be able to control it. Remember, social anxiety is not some abstract phenomenon or indelible personality trait. It is an explainable dynamic that you can choose to control.

In many instances, a preoccupation with appearances--unrealistic social expectations, impossible standards--can be the single largest barrier to a satisfying social life.

What does running from a bear have to do with social anxiety? Everything.