Quotes from Emo Phillips

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.

People come up to me and say, "Emo, do people really come up to you?"

Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.

I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code