Quotes from Ben Crystal

you can live somewhere for years, and your neighbours will only ever hear you as a newcomer, but go home and your friends say, Oh you' ve got such an accent . . . But

Britain's relationship with America might be described as 'special', but only if by 'special' we mean 'frequently dysfunctional'.

More and more rules were added until people tried to standardise spelling in the eighteenth century - by which time the language was already an unruly adolescent of 1300 years, throwing letters all over the place.

The daily mantra of these single-minded individuals – that 'the sea is there to be swum in, and must be conquered' – is one that is frequently adopted by any Brits on holiday in the UK. Well, for the first day of the holiday, anyway. C