Quotes from Shannon Stacey

Either the guy in the uptight, button-down shirt and khakis had had a couple before he'd walked into the bar or he had the alcohol tolerance of a high-school freshman, because it had only taken a couple shots of Scotch for Drunken Asshole Syndrome to kick in.

Joe grinned and slapped the side of the truck. "Come on, cousin. You know we've always got your back." "Yeah, that's usually where you stick the kick-me sign." His cousin was still laughing when he backed out of the driveway.

I don't think I've had real fried chicken since I turned fifty and Flo dragged me in to have my cholesterol numbers checked," Russel said. "We've only got so many years left, so I intend to enjoy them. If I can't have eggs and hash and cheese once in a while, I may as well lie down and start decomposing.

This is like a bad joke," Lydia said. "How many firefighters does it take to put out a grill fire?

Reading next to you is one of my favorite things.

She either looked like a glamorous movie star or a cheap hooker. It depended on how deeply she was panicking when she looked at her reflection. The black dress was soft and snug. It was V-necked and long-sleeved, so perfectly respectable. But Hailey had gotten her to wear one of her high-dollar bras and the boobs were not respectable at all. Even decently covered up, they demanded attention.

Why are you so hung up on my not having a cell phone?" "Hung up?" He laughed. "Hung up. Cell phone. Get it?" She rolled her eyes, but couldn't stop herself from laughing with him.

Why do you have a baby shower? So the baby doesn't stink!

Sean had to get out of the house or he was totally going to lose it. He wasn't sure if that meant punching a hole in the wall or tossing Emma over his shoulder and carrying her off to bed caveman-style, but either was a bad idea. Time to go for a ride and get some space, but first he stuck another sticky note to the mirror and uncapped the Sharpie. You can hold my hand or pat my head or scratch my belly but don't rub the back of my neck again unless you want to get naked.

There was, however, a sticky note on the mirror. Gassy? Payback's a bitch, honey. She laughed and dropped the note into the bottom drawer with the others she'd collected. They amused her too much to throw away and sometimes she'd pull one out and reread it. But that made her feel like some kind of lovesick teenager, so she closed the door and continued the search.

One of my favorite quotes is: "... If I strike you it ain't going to be in your fancy.

Then he lifted his head and looked down into her face. "Before we go any further, one more thing." She groaned. "Seriously?" "One wisecrack about a magic penis," he warned, "and I don't care if I have to dump ice cubes down my pants, I'll walk away. Bowlegged, probably, but I'll walk." She laughed and slid her hands under her back to undo her bra. "I'll try to contain myself.

I asked what you think I should get Katie for Christmas." He'd lost almost as much sleep worrying about that as he'd lost to picturing her naked. "A vibrator, since you're too chickenshit to get the job done yourself." Josh's jaw dropped, and then he closed his mouth with a snap. "I can't believe you just said that.

I'm not naming my child after a sports person. No Tom Brady Kowalski. No Derek Jeter or whatever Kowalski." "Jesus, Beth." He almost ran off the road. "Jeter's a freakin' Yankee. I wouldn't even name an ugly, three-legged, one-eyed, rabid and mangy dog I hated Jeter, never mind my own son. Whatever you do, don't ever talk sports with anybody at Jasper's.

He'd just retrieved the stash of condoms from the bedside drawer and tossed them in the duffel because he'd be damned if he'd facilitate her sleeping with some other guy in the future, when Emma walked in.

Better than being at each other's throats, I guess. You going in?" "I'm too lazy to change into my suit and then back again. You guys riding later?" Mike sighed. "Probably not. Lisa thinks it's too hot for the boys to wear all the gear and shit.

It's not working," Mary said quietly, and Cat had to reluctantly admit she was right. Sean and Emma couldn't have had more distance between them if they were in different counties. Cat and Mary were smooshed together in front of the kitchen sink, watching the party through the window. Sean on one end of the yard, Emma on the other. "Why are they being so stubborn?" Mary snorted. "He's a Kowalski. I'm not sure what Emma's excuse is.

You're worrying already and you're not even on the plane yet." "Maybe you should get a fake dog." Emma laughed and wrapped her arms around Gram.

A man with a career, good grooming habits and a great ass right here in Whitford. Maybe it was her lucky day.

For something I've obsessed about right down to the last detail, I can't help but think I should have thought it through a little more." "You can still change your mind." She shook her head. "No, we're committed." "Or we should be," he said, and they both laughed.

Gimme a few minutes and I'll meet you outside." "Wait. You're going, too?" He snorted and swung his feet to the floor. "Of course I'm going with you to pick up your grandmother at the airport. What kind of jerk did you think you were marrying?

He'd be over here if you weren't being such a bitch." For a second, she thought Terry was going to chuck an ear of corn at her. But then the mask slipped—just for a second—and Keri saw not anger or annoyance, but total devastation.

Before he went downstairs, he pulled out his Sharpie and stuck a fresh sticky note on the bathroom mirror. Btw, THAT was my favorite sexual position. He almost added a happy face to it, but decided just in time that would be lame. It was a slippery slope that led nowhere but to dotting his i 's with hearts.

She didn't miss the fact Kevin's eyes lit up when he saw her in a way they hadn't for the napkin kisser. It helped soothe her annoyance but also put her squarely back in conflicted territory. She wasn't willing to risk their friendship on a real relationship, but she didn't want anybody else to have him, either.