Quotes from Matthew Pierce

Hey girl, I saw the Apostle Paul and he said for you to greet me with a holy kiss.

His mistake, I guess, was floating this idea in front of a smirking 11-year-old homeschooler who considered himself the Ben Matlock of the Scriptures. 

The Covenant Christian Homeschool Band met in a large house next to a church, and if you ever needed to find it all you had to do was follow the procession of cargo vans with Bush/Quayle '92 bumper stickers. 

The recurring lovesickness of my teenage years often brought debilitating side effects, the worst of these being a compulsion to write Christian poetry. 

Being ugly is one of the worst things you can do for your brand, because people will assume that you've sinned a whole bunch and God is punishing your face.

Lifeway research estimates that 50% of all sinners are female.  Folks, that's like more than half, probably double or something.

It was evening, and I had decided to take a preemptive nap because I had to write a paper later.  I could have written the paper and then just gone to bed like a normal person, but that made no sense to my college mind: what if Jesus had come back?  No, you put your schoolwork off.  To do otherwise was a lack of faith. 

On one of these gatherings, a guest speaker informed us that in 30 years, no one in America except the homeschoolers would know how to read or write.