Quotes from Bertrand R. Brinley

Hoh, Boy!" Freddy snorted, slapping his palm to his forehead. "I hope you never donate your brain to science. It would set civilization back fifty years.

Anyway, zis is Austria. Now somesing else funny! Ze Austrians do not call it 'Austria.' Zey call it O-s-t-e-r-r-e-i-c-h!" and the professor wrote the letters out on the blackboard. "Zat is because zey do not know how to spell. Zey are very nice people, se Austrians, but you will notice zey are very bad spellers.

How do you spell 'solicitor'?" asked Freddy. "That's easy!" said Homer. "S-o-l-i-t-o-r." "Well, it can't be all that easy," said Freddy. "These dummies have it spelled with an 'e' on this card." And he held the card under Homer's nose. "I smell something funny!" Jeff said to me, very quietly. "It couldn't be Mr. Stunkard, could it?" I half whispered. Jeff shrugged. "Maybe it's Mr. Smellow!

Abner Larrabee's wife, who is a social leader in town, wailed piteously in a letter to the editor of the Mammoth Falls Gazette that her prize peonies had been stoned to death just before they reached the full glory of their bloom. She complained bitterly about "wanton boys who create mischief with their teen-age pranks" and wondered when the mayor was going to do something about the problem of juvenile delinquency.