Quotes from Jake Johannsen

If love was easy, there would be almost no music.

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. "Did you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."

As far as babysitting tips go, I recommend a few quick questions to the parents when you want to get out early. Like, "Is it all right for the baby to have . . . bleach?"