Quotes from Tom Sharpe

All is fair in love, war and tax evasion.

If a little knowledge was a dangerous thing, a lot was lethal.

We must not only strike the iron while it is hot, we must strike it until it is hot.

Professor Ball has a thing about gays. His wife married one.

Do go on,' he said. 'There's nothing I enjoy more than listening to a highly trained intelligence leapfrogging common sense and coming to the wrong conclusions. It gives me renewed faith in parliamentary democracy.

The man who said the pen was mightier than the sword ought to have tried reading "The Mill on the Floss" to Motor Mechanics.

While he lived a violent life in his imagination, Eva, lacking any imagination at all, lived violently in fact.

By shooting your cook you were refusing him permission to enter your house.

Eva Wilt got to her feet and stood with the rain running down her face and as she stood there the illusions that had sustained her through the week disappeared. She saw herself as a fat, silly woman who had left her husband in pursuit of a glamour that was false and shoddy and founded on brittle talk and money.

couldn't lose. The main thing was to see that the tunnel scheme was scotched. Sir Giles parked outside the Handyman Arms, went inside and sent a message up to Dundridge's room to say that Sir Giles Lynchwood was looking forward to his company in the lounge. Dundridge went downstairs

Una cosa era demoler media docena de casas y echar a las familias que vivían en ellas, y otra muy diferente privar a diez leones, cuatro jirafas, un rinoceronte y una docena de avestruces de su único medio de vida. La opinión pública británica jamás consentiría la menor crueldad contra unos animalitos.

Estaba asombrado de que le hubiera resultado tan fácil. Lo único que tenía que hacer era decirle a la gente lo que la gente quería oír, y te creían, por muy absurda que pudiera ser la historia que les explicaras. Y tres días y tres noches sin dormir habían aletargado los recelos y la capacidad de escepticismo del inspector Flint.

Liberal studies means..." said Mrs Chatterway, who prided herself on being an advocate of progressive education, in which role she had made a substantial contribution to the illiteracy rate in several previously good primary schools.

No, you can forget their going anywhere.

Certainty was essential to him and the written word had a certainty about it that everything else in life lacked.

Meditó durante la hora de Reafirmación de Género para Mujeres Maduras, ninguna de las cuales necesitaba que le enseñaran a reafirmarse a sí misma. De hecho se reafirmaban tan estupendamente que lo único que tenía que hacer Wilt era dejar que hablaran.

El hecho es que el ordenador está aquí para quedarse y los niños saben utilizarlo y nosotros no. Incluso el lenguaje.

Afirmaba que era una abominación y se empeñaba en referise a la corrección política como la destrucción del idioma