Quotes from Billy Madison

Billy Hey I'm trying to score points with the teacher today. DON'T SCREW IT UP. 3rd Grader I dare you to touch her boobs. Billy Touch her boobs That's assault brotha...... Ya double dare me

Billy No I will not make out with you. Did ya hear that this girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class. You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I'm here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the chlorophyll.

Billy Shampoo is better. I go on first and clean the hair. Conditioner is better. I leave the hair silky and smooth. Oh, really, fool Really.

Billy Sometimes I feel like an idiot. But I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.

Juanita Ooh that boy's a fine piece of work all right. He's a fine piece of ass though, too.

Principal Any attempt to cheat, especially with my wife, who is a dirty, dirty, tramp, and I am just gonna snap.

Principal Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.