Quotes from Stephen Arterburn

With others' help and input, we can see more of who we are and who we've been than with only a limited, flat, one-dimensional self-view.

One of the prices you have to pay for a life free of oppressive regret is a thorough and brutally honest survey of the entire history of whatever relationship is troubling your soul.

The courage to confess, bring into the light, and openly share one's hidden fears or shameful ways is the sure path to freedom.

God's plan is defined by him alone. He sets up the terms; we don't. God is not a power we can just use for our benefit. If we want to come to God, we must come on his terms and enter his Kingdom his way. As the one who created us and loves us, God knows how we ought to live. If we try to do things our own way, we are only asking for trouble.

Pay attention to unresolved conflicts in your life.

We are to be tough and focused like soldiers, to compete according to the rules like athletes, and to work hard like farmers.

20Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

resist keeping company with those who merely feed off the negative emotions of others.

People attracted to others' trouble or drama like vultures are drawn to roadkill. People who seem to get up when you're down, always just a little too interested in your latest conflict, slight, or failure.

When we finally decide to submit our life and our will to God's direction, our burdens will become manageable. When we let him do the driving, we will "find rest" for our soul. He knows the way and has the strength to turn us around and get us on the road toward recovery.

In order to recover we must follow the example of this woman. We cannot afford to stand back, hoping for "cures," and avoid deliberate action because of our lack of faith. We may have lived with our condition for many years, spending our resources on promising "cures" without success. When we can come to believe in God, a power greater than ourself, and have the faith to take hold of our own recovery, we will find the healing power we have been looking for.

Paul understood that pressing his rights at the expense of God's purposes would be wrong

To get a relationship out of the pits, talk with the other person.

If you're feeling regret about something you did or said to someone, please talk with that person. Tell them you're feeling bad. Let them do for you what people really enjoy doing for others: relieving someone of regret.

They said a secretary should not question her boss's personal life and a boss should not question his secretary's personal life. But it was a Christian organization.

23Pride ends in humiliation,         while humility brings honor.

17He did all this so you would never say to yourself, 'I have achieved this wealth with my own strength and energy.

It would be time for you to start drawing up peace treaties with your former enemies.

Usually when a husband expresses that he doesn't love his wife, he is making a statement about his own shame. He is grasping at straws and trying to make sense of his own behavior. This particular logic says, "If I am willing to hurt her this badly, over and over again, then I must not love her." For some guys it's easier to stomach the explanation of "falling out of love" or "I must not have truly loved her anyway" than

We are as sick as our secrets.

People in pain have enough problems without some well-meaning folks trying to short-circuit the grief process by declaring that everything is a good event sent from God.

In a toxic-faith system, loyalty is equated with blind faith and complete agreement with the leader.

All problems are not results of sin; many are simply results of reality.

God has given us the freedom to make choices. Some choices will be better than others. The worst ones will cause us discomfort and pain, but the pain will not always be the result of God's punishment for sin. When people play with fire, often they feel the heat, and some get burned. The pain is from the fire, not the punishment of God. Sin is like that. Pain is often a result of sin, but not necessarily a punishment for it.