Quotes from Sue Limb

Virgo: Your teddy bear will reveal that he is pregnant and will require counseling.

Gran! Gran?' yelled Jess, racing upstairs. She looked everywhere. Nothing. No aged person. Only Rasputin, looking startled and disapproving. 'Where's Gran, Rasputin? For goodness' sake! Have you eaten her?' cried Jess. Rasputin looked shocked and innocent.

Fred just shrugged enigmatically. 'What? Just a load of girls going to the toilet? Personally I prefer wildlife videos.

Jess and Flora met in a cafe. Unfortunately, their part of town was completely lacking in style, and the only place open on Sundays was a little religious charity place that sold snacks made by poor people in Africa. 'God!' growled Jess, trying to free her teeth from a cereal bar made of tree bark, gravel, and superglue. 'Is this actually food or some kind of building material?

Flora) "No, Jess- it'll take hours. Just go and see Mr. Powell and fess up. It's the only way. Crawl and grovel and offer to do all sorts of remedial thingies. That's what I do with my dad. And do it with captivating feminine charm. That always works on Dad. I stroke his hair. It never fails." "I can't stroke Mr. Powell's hair, for God's sake!" A horrible hallucination flashed through Jess's mind.

I swear it's true. If I lie to you, may I be changed into a sofa belonging to a fat family addicted to daytime TV and baked beans." (Fred to Jess)

Later, just before she drifted off to sleep, Jess realized the ghastly fact that, just as she had assumed that Edouard smelt disgusting, Edouard's first impression of her would have been that she did. The only difference was that she really had . It was not the greatest start to their relationship.

And for two weeks I was banged up with a Hobbit who only spoke Elvish," said Jess.

Well, to be honest Dad, I think he's a little bit like you. Sort of useless, and amusing." (Jess regarding Fred)

Suddenly Fred closed his book and jumped to his feet. He pretended to be holding a microphone and facing a TV camera. "Hostiles broke out here in the early hours following a dispute over supplies," he said in a breathless reporter's voice. "The Red Cross have asked for a cease fire at ten-thirty to bury the dead, evacuate the wounded, and so that everyone can go to the loo. This is Fred Parsons in the war zone at Walnut Farm, handing you back to the studio.

Yes! Let's swim!" said Jess. "Though you must promise not to stare in dismay at my podge when you see me in my bikini!" "And you must avert your gaze from my puny sticklike legs," said Fred. "It'll only be a matter of time before a bodybuilder comes up and kicks sand in my face.

Jess went into the loo at the far end, locked herself in, sat down, and dropped her head into her hands. She imagined the sight that must have greeted Mr. Powell when he made his unexpected return to his office. A huge brown stain on his carpet, plus several small red ones (from the pasta). Two socks, one containing pasta and one soaked with brown liquid, lying on the floor. Two shoes, probably smelly, just kicked off anywhere.