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Quotes from Monty Python

Kilimanjaro is a pretty tricky climb you know, most of it's up until you reach the very very top, and then it tends to slope away rather sharply.
~ Monty Python
When you're chewing on life's gristle Don't grumble, give a whistle And this'll help things turn out for the best... And...always look on the bright side of life... Always look on the light side of life.
~ Monty Python
Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government
~ Monty Python
It's just a flesh wound!
~ Monty Python
At that time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer, and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before ...
~ Monty Python
Your highness, when I said that you are like a stream of bat's piss, I only mean that you shine out like a shaft of gold when all around it is dark
~ Monty Python
My philosophy, like color television, is all there in black and white.
~ Monty Python
By the power bestowed in me by the Ministry of Silly Underpants . . .
~ Monty Python
And now for something completely differeent.
~ Monty Python
NI! Oh no! Not ni!
~ Monty Python
If life seems jolly rotten, There's something you've forgotten.
~ Monty Python
I got better.
~ Monty Python
What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
~ Monty Python
Make tea, not war.
~ Monty Python
Michael Palin : I am sorry to interrupt you there Dennis, but he's crossed it out. Thomas Hardy here on the first day of his new novel has crossed out the only word he has written so far and he is gazing off into space. Ohh! Oh dear he's signed his name again. Graham Chapman: It looks like Tess of the D'Urbervilles all over again. - Matching Tie and Handkerchief, Novel Writing
~ Monty Python
Watashi no hob?kurafuto wa unagi de ippai desu
~ Monty Python
Your Life our your lupines! Dennis Moore
~ Monty Python
It's funny, isn't it? How your best friend can just blow up like that?
~ Monty Python
He's not pining, he's passed on. This parrot is no more. He has ceased to be. He's expired and gone to meet his maker. He's a stiff, bereft of life, he rests in peace. If you hadn't have nailed him to the perch he'd be pushing up the daisies. He's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot!
~ Monty Python
First you must find... another shrubbery! (dramatic chord) Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must place it here, beside this shrubbery, only slightly higher so you get a two layer effect with a little path running down the middle. ("A path! A path!") Then, you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forrest... with... a herring!
~ Monty Python
'Tis but a scratch' 'A scratch?! Your arm's off!' 'No, it isn't.'
~ Monty Python
We are no longer the knights who say ni! We are now the knights who say ekki-ekki-ekki-pitang-zoom-boing!
~ Monty Python
Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!
~ Monty Python
You see, I don't belive that libraries should be drab places where people sit in silence, that has been the main reason for our policy of employing wild animals as librarians.
~ Monty Python