Quotes from Muffy Mead-Ferro

Maybe emotional blows are like physical blows. You stand to gain something if you sustain them from time to time. You might build up some inner strength you wouldn't otherwise have.

I hope that for my kids, too, success will be its own reward. That they'll do their best because they want to win for themselves and for their team, without even calculating my reaction, much less having it be the driving force. I don't think they'll care that I'm not always ...snapping pictures of everything they do, to be pasted up in the commemorative album of their lives.

Maybe, like my parents and grandparents, I can trust myself to be a mom without a reference library to tell me how. Maybe I don't need magazines, television of the internet to tell me how. And maybe most of all I don't need marketing campaigns designed to make money off my good intentions to tell me how. Maybe I know how. Or, by God, I'll figure it out.

I just question the value of isolated math, science and literary skills - especially when they're achieved at the expense of social skills - when our kids are little. I don't see ho it's putting them ahead if they know how to write their name before the next kid.

I wonder if we're giving our children the chance to really perform, if we're giving them and ourselves enough credit, as we pore over our parenting magazines and reference manuals. I wonder if we're getting in the way rather than out of the way, as we get sucked into the trap of competing with other parents to raise the most exceptional child.

I've read articles by child psychologists who have identified lack of self-esteem as the evil at the root of so much bad, even criminal behavior. I don't know if that's right. But even if it is, I don't believe Belle and Joe will gain self-esteem by constantly being told they're special just for being there.

I do know a boy and a girl who've benefitted from their parents' high regard for academic achievement. But they've suffered from it, too... They're not even familiar with the concept of unstructured play. When asked to play outside, they don't want to go. When booted outside anyway, they have nothing to do and hang out on the porch until they're allowed back in.