Quotes from C. Terry Warner

Some things are only real because they represent what we think. When we learn the truth and think it, the old reality is no longer real to us and loses its hold on us. The truth sets us free.

Did I love what I was doing, or did I love myself in doing it?

Who we are is how we are in relation to others

When we actively relate to people as rivals or enemies, we foster the false belief that we and they stand independent of one another. The truth is that we bind ourselves to them as if by an invisible tether, and we do so by our negative thoughts and feelings." "Who we are is who we are with others. How they seem to us is a revelation of ourselves.

When it comes to seeking a change of heart, our starting place must include our present situation, with the people we live with right here and now. It is with these very people that we must learn to forgo all taking of offense.

Still is just the right way to be. You rise in the morning to go about your day. You remember a friend who has troubles. You don't quibble with yourself about whether to call her; you don't write a reminder on your Palm Pilot or in your planner to make the call tomorrow. You just call. Simple.

There is no better means of promoting another person's change of heart than allowing our own heart to be changed.

Fable: When we're stuck in troubled feelings we believe that all our feelings are true-- that is to say, we believe that by our emotions at that moment we are making accurate judgments about what's happening. If I'm angry with you, I'm certain that you are making me angry. Fact: Though we truly have these feelings, they are not necessarily true feelings. More likely I'm angry because I'm misusing you, not because you are misusing me.

Living in the box means being convinced that other people and our circumstances are responsible for our feelings and our helplessness to overcome them.

Self-betrayal occurs when we do to another what we sense we should not do or don't do what we sense we should. Thus self-betrayal is a sort of moral self-compromise, a violation of our own personal sense of how we ought to be and what we ought to do.

We influence others most profoundly when we do not seek to change them at all, but simply go about straightforwardly doing the right and loving thing.

In a self-betraying condition, how we present ourselves unavoidably becomes of the focus of our concern, and we mistakenly confuse it with how we really are.

When we criticize people, their consciences console them. When we love them, their consciences indict them.

Who we are is who we are with others. How they seem to us is a revelation of ourselves.

A responsible step in loosening the grip of any lie we might be living is to ask ourselves, solemnly and seriously, this momentous question: "Might I be in the wrong?" What gives this question its power? The answer can be stated very simply: Just to ask the question seriously, even without answering it, is already to undergo a change of attitude.

For to the extent that we act toward others as we feel we might, we open ourselves to their inner reality, and their needs and aspirations seem so important to us as our own. We hope their hopes will be fulfilled and need to see their needs satisfied. Their happiness makes us happy, and we are pained to see them hurt. We resonate with them and delight in their prosperity.

The very fact that we need to struggle for approval proves that we do not approve of ourselves. Having to convince ourselves of something means we do not really believe it. That is why we contort ourselves grotesquely, lose sight of who we really are, and tangle ourselves pathetically in a complicated falsification of our lives.

Three aspects of the self betrayer's conduct always go together: accusing others, excusing oneself, and displaying oneself as a victim.

La autotraición se produce cuando actuamos en contra de esos sentimientos que acabamos de describir, cuando hacemos a los demás lo contrario de lo que sentimos que debemos hacer o cuando no hacemos lo que sentimos que debemos hacer.

No se puede hallar una justificación para no hacer el bien a los demás a menos que encontremos, o inventemos, alguna razón por la que se lo merecen (un defecto o una característica despreciable que nos obligue a ignorarlos, corregirlos, humillarlos o castigarlos).

The self-help movement that began in the latter half of the twentieth century suffers particularly from this flaw, for the personal and interpersonal skills it seeks to cultivate are almost always designed to get us more of what we think we want, rather than to bring about a change of heart.

Vivimos en una sociedad obsesionada con la conciencia de uno mismo, la autoestima, el placer y otras maneras de centrarse en el individuo.

Vivir en una caja implica estar convencido de que son las demás personas y las circunstancias las responsables de nuestros sentimientos y de nuestra incapacidad para superarlos.

Our insensitivity as self-betrayers is best described not as attending to ourselves rather than to others, but rather as attending to others for our sake rather than for their sake.