Quotes from Geoff Rodkey

was sitting with Sophie Koh, who is awesome and has been my one and only best friend since my original best friend, Meredith Timms, turned into a total Fembot and I had to take a vacation from not only being her best friend, but from even being her friend at all. Which is very sad and tragic, but is a whole

Ed. Note: if this were a movie, OMINOUS BLACK CAR MUSIC would start here

Ed. Note: also violent/antisocial

We're basically as close as a sixth and eighth grader of the opposite sex can be without dating each other.

Lheeets gheet rheeedy to rhuuuuum-bal.

The dog is a real ." Ed. Note: can't use actual word (b/c filthy)

It was pretty gross. The Calvin was, like, dripping hot coffee. And we were like, "What are we going to do?" And James was like, "Let's take a picture—maybe it's under warranty." REESE And I was all, "Dude—how is that helpful? We need it fixed, like, NOW." So James goes, "Fine. I'll suck the coffee out.

To be totally specific, it started in the Culvert Prep cafeteria on Monday, September 8th, at approximately 8:27am.

I was sitting with Sophie Koh, who is awesome and has been my one and only best friend since my original best friend, Meredith Timms, turned into a total Fembot and I had to take a vacation from not only being her best friend, but from even being her friend at all. Which is very sad and tragic, but is a whole other story.

Once Akash set me up with invisibility and taught me some basic killing skills,

Ed. Note: Unfortunately true (also happens in back seat of cars) (#HardToLiveWith)

went to the kitchen to get a toaster pastry. Because when I am feeling down, a toaster pastry usually helps.

Right when I was about to serve (which was traumatic enough, because I am even worse at volleyball than I am at Jenga),

if I wanted to make them feel pain, I had to hit them in a place where they actually felt it.

I mean, public humiliation was the worst possible punishment I could think of for ME. And also for anybody with a brain.

decided I was going to be a Person Who Chooses To Be Kind To Others At All Times, No Matter What.

never, ever compare anybody to that particular person, since he was so much more evil than anyone else in history

everyone on earth picks their nose. That's just a fact.

But people with good manners never, ever do it in public, or when company is over. Especially when that company is an evil little worm.

Right when I was about to serve (which was traumatic enough, because I am even worse at volleyball than I am at Jenga), Xander started singing, "THAT CUTE LEATHER VEST…

So I went to the kitchen to get a toaster pastry. Because when I am feeling down, a toaster pastry usually helps. Reese and Mom were sitting at the kitchen table.

Ed. Note: not literally. Just on Planet Amigo.

end) CLAUDIA There are definitely a lot of very important lessons to be learned from The War. But I can't think of what they are right now, and I have to go meet Sophie and Carmen at Starbucks in ten minutes to strategize the best way to handle the Jens situation.