Quotes from Lucy Ellmann

Men like war: they do not hold much sway over birth, so they make up for it with death. Unlike women, men menstruate by shedding other people's blood.

The whole world organizes itself around the fact that people manage to get their awkward bodies in position to fuck, an achievement honored by toasters, tandems, and tax cuts.

the fact that you'll never know what sort of person you might have been if you'd read different stuff

GENERAL STATEMENT FOR ALL CONCERNED: I do not wish you to be perturbed in any way by my current uncommunicative behaviour. I wish it to be known that I am not pursuing any friendships at the moment because I can not think of anything to say and I suspect I am bad for people. I am too egotistically involved in my own decay to focus on the troubles and triumphs of others...

the fact that we all go on pretending things are fine, hoping everything's a-okay, even though everything is nowhere near okay and we all know it, no matter how many candlelit vigils you hold

the fact that two whole jars of bay leaves is really like a lifetime's supply, the fact that I wonder if every household has too many bay leaves, the fact that the number of bay leaves you own can easily get out of hand,

the fact that there are times, maybe the most unlikely times, that you realize you're simply thrilled to be alive, and what a great piece of luck it is just to be a part of things, to have a body, so you can feel and see and walk the earth, for just a little while

And they dare to rule the world! They have made it so ugly. Square houses! Their obsession with straight lines and right angles has ruined the earth! They consider all curves, all subtleties, all softness, all indefinites, female, and they shun them. They have poisoned and denatured everything they touch, and expect us to be grateful.

the fact that there's a lot you have to blank out if you want to get through life...

the fact that it's unbelievable but every single thing alive has its own center of being, and looks out on the world from that point of view, even a worm, or a jellyfish, hamsters, owls, the fact that even a leaf has feelings, the fact that you know the leaves are enjoying this warm sun going right through them,

the fact that nothing you do seems innocent anymore

Unable to make babies, they make bombs instead. Men menstruate by shedding other people's blood.

the fact that I'd happily do just about anything for people, anything, even spend time with them, if they'd just stop hurting my feelings

What is the point of labeling each individual piece of fruit? Buy the fruit, EAT the ad! We've carved a chunk out of the ozone, burned up all the rainforests, soon we won't be able to BREATHE, and all because we had to label each individual piece of fruit.

the fact that a police officer on TV said what used to be a fist fight or road rage is now a shooting, and what used to be a domestic dispute is now a gun rampage, and what used to be a tardy or disruptive student is now a school shooter, the fact that the police aren't much better themselves, the fact that what used to be an arrest or a warning is now a split-second execution

the fact that now it's Philip Glass on the radio, the fact that I wonder how many people in Ohio care about Philip Glass,

the fact that a real apocalypse would be such a vindication, if you'd spent all this dough getting ready for it,

One of my cats reminds me of my mother. I pat my mother in her. Reincarnation of evaporated mother.

the fact that I really need a professional declutterer, or at least a book on decluttering from the library, unless they've decluttered the library too and have no books anymore

the fact that maybe men think if they just name everything, everything'll be okay, the fact that it's like dogs marking their territory

She stood eating soup in her overgrown garden, looking up at stars she could not name.

their phones actually, trying to get inside them somehow,

the fact that I'd really like to be reading Persuasion right now instead of latticing pies, the fact that I never seem to get past Anne's first reunion with Captain Wentworth lately, because Jake interrupts, the fact that all the older kids were the same, the fact that I have to hide out like Anne Frank almost, to read anything, the fact that I should have a little closet to go to, with a chair, a lamp, and a lock on the door, the fact that I guess it's called a bathroom,

the fact that if we all blow ourselves to smithereens, at least Pepito has existed, and that is good, the fact that it's just plain good he was in the world,