Quotes from Susan M. Johnson

From the cradle to the grave, humans desire a certain someone who will look out for them, notice and value them, soothe their wounds, reassure them in life's difficult places, and hold them in the dark.

In old Celtic stories, where life is dark and full of danger, poets and seers teach people how to face the darkness. They teach that life is about standing in a narrow passage, in the dark, with your back against the wall, facing a dragon. There is no escape. The only question, in these old stories, is how well you fight. This is a somber vision, but also one that celebrates the courage that the darkness calls forth.

Emotional and physical isolation from attachment figures is inherently traumatizing for human beings, bringing with it a heightened sense, not simply of vulnerability and danger, but also of helplessness (Mikulincer, Shaver, & Pereg, 2003).

secure attachment bond is the "primary defense against trauma induced psychopathology

4. Attachment offers a secure base. Secure attachment also provides a secure base from which individuals can explore their universe and most adaptively respond to their environment. The presence of such a base encourages exploration and a cognitive openness to new information. It promotes the confidence necessary to risk, learn, and continually update models of self and the world.

research suggests that rather than help couples resolve content issues, therapy should help couples develop soothing interactions and maintain emotional engagement during disagreements.

It is probably more adaptive, at least in the short run, to believe that you are to blame and deserve cruel treatment, than that you are helpless and dependent on people who wish you harm.

EFT can be thought of as a postmodern therapy in that EFT therapists help clients deconstruct problems and responses by bringing marginalized aspects of reality into focus, probing for the not-yet spoken, and integrating elements of a couple's reality that have gone un-storied.

Emotionally focused couple therapy (EFT) is a short-term, systematic, and tested intervention to reduce distress in adult love relationships and create more secure attachment bonds.