Quotes from Vam?k D. Volkan

Only later we learned that by fainting Peter was protecting himself from the awareness of his wish that the mother of his early childhood would die.

The trauma pervaded and persisted in many ways. Since Constantinople was taken on a Tuesday, Christians regarded every Tuesday thereafter as an unpropitious day.

The Grinbergs drew upon Melanie Klein's psychoanalytic theories40 and showed how guilt over loss of parts of the self—that is, the immigrant or the refugee's previous identity and his or her investment in the land and people left behind—may complicate the newcomer's mourning process

Thus, just as we must mourn the passing of those we love, so too do we need to mourn when intimately hated persons or things are lost, although we usually try to deny this.

However, in cases of massive trauma at the hands of an enemy, the transgenerational transmission of unfinished psychological processes are generalized and are inevitably involved in strengthening the shared large-group identity and even in modifying it. This is a vast and very important topic that I will examine later in this volume.

If the child's image of a dead father created only or mostly in fantasy is idealized—dead soldiers are usually idealized as heroes—the mourning over losing them (their fantasized images) becomes more difficult. There is psychological resistance to giving up a hero constructed in one's mind and making him an average dead man.

Without mourning, in its psychoanalytic sense,113 an apology and forgiveness can neither be given nor received by groups that have been traumatized by others.

Throughout the years, I have observed that participants who voluntarily become involved in unofficial dialogues with the enemy are seen to some degree as traitors by those in their own community who are against all communication with the enemy. These participants may also experience shame for talking with the enemy, which is intensified if and when the enemy carries out some violent act while the talks are going on.

for when two opposing groups become friendly, the perception that they are far more similar than they previously thought causes anxiety because this threatens their large-group identities. Enemies feel obliged to maintain what I call a principle of non-sameness. I will discuss this further later in this chapter.

projective identification.194 From childhood on, human beings utilize certain mental mechanisms to get rid of unpleasant aspects of themselves and assign them to others. Members of one group in conflict may attempt to define their identity through externalizing and projecting unwanted aspects onto the enemy.

At unofficial dialogue meetings, especially at the outset, the competition to list grievances seems involuntary and occurs according to the principle of the egoism of victimization:196 there is no empathy for the other side's losses and injuries.

Once an event becomes a chosen trauma for the next generations, its historical truth is no longer the crucial issue for the group. What is important is that through sharing the chosen trauma, members of the group are linked together. The chosen trauma as a crucial identity marker becomes significant in the large-group's life.

In my book The Need to Have Enemies and Allies,37 I describe how it is impossible to truly change a person's ethnic identity after adolescence. When adult newcomers face new ethnic sentiments and investments in a new location, they will have mild to severe difficulties in developing a synthesis of two ethnicities.

The actual memories of the trauma belong to adults; children who become reservoirs have no experience with the trauma. Actual memories belonging to one person cannot be transmitted to another person, but an adult can deposit traumatized images into a child's self.