Quotes from Laura Fredricks

Psychology professor Albert Mehrabian at the University of California, Los Angeles, laid out the concept called the 7-38-55 rule in his book Silent Messages. The concept divided into percentages how we communicate emotions:3 • 7 percent spoken words • 38 percent tone of voice • 55 percent body language

You always had that power, that desire, to have answers that would fulfill you as a person. You always asked without knowing you were asking. Would it not be amazing if we could go back in time and return to those innocent and simple days when getting the answer to just one or two questions would make your day, and nothing else in the world mattered?

Drawing upon my days as a litigation attorney, I told Anna that cases and confrontational situations are "won on facts": "Stick to the facts. Lay out the facts with suggested solutions in plain and simple terms and in a calm voice, which would win over some board members and, in time, your CEO and COO.

Defensive, defensive, defensive. And you can imagine the tone of voice she had throughout our meeting: sharp, dismissive, and filled with anger that she was not being recognized for her talent and expertise.

Since the ask is an "emotional firecracker" with emotions running quite high, it is important to drill down and see how important your tone of voice is when you ask. While the selection of your words when you make your ask is incredibly important, as you will see in the later chapters, my expression is "Your tone is as important as your words.

Remember, your tone is your superpower. It can invite people to hear more and say yes to your ask, or it can turn them off, and your ask will fizzle away.

To listen with presence means there is nothing else in the world going on but the person in front of you and what they have to say. When you ask, you need to listen to the person's every word and be present, and show you are present, and then and only then can you make the right response to their ask.

First, you need to write down fifteen things you think the person will say to your ask. Second, you need to write fifteen things you will say to each of the fifteen responses you think you will receive. If you think this takes time, it sure does. Is it worth it? You bet.

while you will have your tailored fifteen responses to each ask you make, when you hear something that you did not expect, just add it to the list.

A person can "see" right through you, even if you are on the phone and not in person. Think for a minute when you had someone on the line, and you could tell they were distracted, multitasking, or speaking or whispering to someone else. How did you feel? Not great because this person was not devoting their time or attention on you.

Honesty wins the day" is one of my favorite made-up mantras, and I needed it then.

When you catch yourself saying things and doing things that indicate you expect the other person will know exactly what you mean and will do what you anticipate, take a minute and see if you actually asked for what you wanted. Chances are you never asked.

She expected it. You can dodge the first devil that can sabotage your efforts by making sure you ask, not expect.

Before we ask, or when we never get the words out to ask, we have the tendency to make a lot of assumptions.

Unfortunately, assumptions are the seeds we sow that grow into future arguments

Do not go into the assumption land of guessing why they said no. It will not serve you, your business, or your charity. Also, no comes in many forms.

While the no answer is not ideal, if you say over and over a number of times, "No now is not a no forever," you will feel better about yourself, shake off this one occurrence, and get back to asking again.

When you find yourself in a position in which you have not asked but need to, are you relying too heavily on luck, chance, or time? Push those temptations away, and make your ask.

Your Tone Is Your Superpower

This is a terrible way to live—unfulfilled because you could not ask for something that you really wanted or, worse, didn't ask for to avoid pain. Fear of rejection and fear of hearing a "no" to your ask has always prevented many people from asking.

The voice that only you can hear gives you the signs, the clues, that something is going well and, more importantly, that you really want this opportunity.

How they treat the process is how you will be treated.

I believe and have heard from many people that one of the hardest asks anyone can make is to ask for help. When you do that, your request can make people feel helpless, out of control, less than, or irresponsible. We have the tendency to judge ourselves by looking around and seeing and hearing other people coping with life just fine without asking for help.

Most people don't understand the psychology of asking, which is why it is so difficult to ask for (let alone receive) the things that are essential in your life.