Quotes from Charles Timmerman

Why do you never see elephants hiding up in trees? Because they're really good at it. I'm reading an anti-gravity book. I can't put it down!

What did the plate say to the napkin? "Dinner is on me.

I invented a new word today: plagiarism.

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent. I, for one, like Roman numerals. Yesterday, a clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester. Why is it a bad idea to iron your four-leaf clover? Because you shouldn't press your luck.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he had no guts. A good steak pun is a rare medium well done. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey." The horse says, "Sure.

I couldn't figure out how the seat belt worked. Then it just clicked.

Why do vampires have no friends? They suck.

To the person who stole my place in line: I'm after you now. What is the center of gravity? The letter "v"! Why did the quiz show give away $10,000 plus one banana? They wanted the prize to have appeal. What do you call corn that joins the army? A kernel.