Quotes from Dan Neuharth

David cannot recall being hugged, kissed, or told he was loved by his parents. The only physical comfort he had was from "Mammy," an African-American housekeeper who recognized David's needs and provided solace. On Saturdays she'd take him to a movie, where she was allowed to sit with him in the whites' section. He is convinced that, "If I hadn't had Mammy, I would have been in much worse shape.

David longed for recognition for his good grades, but his Depriving, Perfectionistic parents rarely made even a comment. "I did everything I was supposed to but they never approved. They never asked me how I felt, they just told me how I should react. Rules were more important than feelings." On family car rides, David's parents plunked him in the backseat and talked about him as if he weren't there.

Part One, "Naming the Problem," will help you see the full extent of parental control by describing in detail eight styles of controlling parents. You'll be able to determine which of these types—or combination of types—fits one or both of your parents. When you know your parents' styles, you can better recognize the continuing effects of their early control on you.

Part Three, "Solving the Problem," helps you let go of a painful childhood and the lasting effects of unhealthy control so that you can emotionally leave home. We'll explore a broad array of paths to healing, along with exercises you may find helpful. This section will help you design your own healing process, at your own speed, in a way that suits you best.

Controlling families are particularly difficult for sensitive children, who experience emotional blows and limits on their freedom especially acutely. Sensitive children also tend to blame themselves for family problems.

In so doing, it's important to place responsibility where it truly belongs by acknowledging that: You aren't responsible for what your parents did to you, they are. You are responsible for what you do with your life now, your parents aren't.

It's painful to conclude that, if not for your parents' limitations, you might have grown up happier, with healthier relationships and a less troubled life. Guilt, anger, fear, sadness, and love make relationships with our parents among the most complicated in our lives.