Quotes from Leslie Vernick

Is biblical headship synonymous with taking control over someone else and forcing her to comply when she resists? And, does biblical submission require a wife to always do what her husband says? Does it mean she has no choices of her own or can't ever say no without being labeled as rebellious or ungodly?

Indifference says you are not a person to love, but an object to use.

In addition, staying together regardless of the costs continues to enable the husband to grossly sin against them with no consequences, which is not biblical.

Many of us, like Sandra, are under the impression "that if we don't feel something there can be no authenticity in doing it. But the wisdom of God says something different, namely, that we can act ourselves into a new way of feeling much quicker than we can feel ourselves into a new way of acting."5 Choosing to act right when you don't feel like it isn't hypocrisy; it's obedience.

Selfishness isn't characterized by knowing how you feel or what you want; selfishness is when you demand that other people always cater to your feelings, your wants, and your needs.

Self-love is always self-love, whether it parades as pride and importance or masquerades as self-pity, worthlessness, and low self-esteem. They are not opposites, but two sides of the same coin. A penny is still a penny no matter which side is up. I is still the most important word.

The way we view God does not change God, but it changes us and how we relate to him.

Emotional abuse systematically degrades, diminishes, and can eventually destroy the personhood of the abused.

The gifts God bestows are not from us, nor are they for us so that we can feel good about ourselves. They are to be used to benefit others and glorify him (1 Peter 4:10).

Instead of hungering after God, we've feasted at the table of cheap substitutes. No wonder we are left still hungry and longing for more.

Dear God, This is so scary, but it's also freeing. For the first time I see your plan for healing broken relationships. I need to do the right thing, and it's not to close my eyes and stay silent. It's to confront him. But I need your help. I'm afraid it won't go well and I will have to implement a consequence. Help me be strong.

It is impossible to be spiritually mature when we are emotionally unhealthy.

Evil people want to look good to others. They also want to appear good in their own eyes, so the pangs of shame and self-reproach do not penetrate their hearts.

True humility requires inner strength to face the truth about ourselves and to receive undeserved favor from a loving God who longs to reconcile people to himself and help them grow.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW that you were made to be happy.

Jesus modeled to us how we are to relate to God. When we become that mindful of our position, our purpose, and our neediness, we, too, will humble ourselves.

A proud heart may suffer from an inferiority complex or low self-esteem, even though these problems may seem incompatible with a heart ruled by pride. However, the insecure-yet-proud don't feel inferior due to moral failures or spiritual inadequacies, but rather because they don't measure up to the things they crave or believe are essential for their well-being.

Test the other person. See how he responds to you when you don't give him what he wants. If you don't see consistent changes in the way he thinks, acts, and interacts with you and others, don't for a minute believe his words or his profuse tears. (Proverbs 26:23-24) Jesus said, "Produce fruit in keeping with repentance." (Matthew 3:8.)

Contrary to what destructive people will say, the most loving thing we can do for them is hold them accountable for their actions. This indeed may cost us sacrifice and suffering. We do this not only for our benefit but with the hope that as we draw a line in the sand and say "no more" they will wake up to their own sinfulness and repent.

Satan's goal is to tweak a lie so cleverly that it sounds reasonable, truthful, even right. Eve

Too many individuals have been wrongly instructed that biblical love means they must be "nice," and suffer quietly--even if they are mistreated and abused. But as C.S. Lewis wisely wrote, 'Love is more stern and splendid than mere kindness.

You can sweep broken glass under the carpet, but eventually it will work its way through the rug and cut your foot.

you cannot change something you will not face.

How much we get done and how well we can do it are the benchmarks of a good day or professional success. The more efficiently we produce, the better we feel. The downside, however, is that continued good feelings depend on keeping up the momentum of doing more. This doesn't come without a cost.