Quotes from Dan Jenkins

The Masters is a sell-out annually, and even the scalpers mind their manners.

If you want to put golf back on the front pages again, and you don't have a Bobby Jones or a Francis Ouimet handy, here's what you do: You send an aging Jack Nicklaus out in the last round of the Masters and let him kill more foreigners than a general named Eisenhower.

I haven't looked for a golf ball since mulligans were free, which was a law I passed in 1995.

I probably remember the 1954 Masters more vividly than any of the others.

If you're a friend or a relative of George Herbert Walker Bush, Prez 41, or George W. Bush, Prez 43, or any other Bushes, then you know an 18-hole round of golf shouldn't take more than three hours out of your day - there are other important things to do.

The president I came to know best was George Herbert Walker Bush. No. 41 in your program, No. 1 on your list of fast-playing golfers.

Every immortal except Jack Nicklaus has hit a wall and stopped making putts he had to make in order to win. Jack did it for 20 years.

I don't suppose anybody's ever enjoyed being who they are more than Arnold's enjoyed being Arnold Palmer.

If you see a player out in public having dinner, chances are he's with his boring money manager or some boring rich guy he hopes to design a golf course for.

There have been so many great moments in golf that you even forget some of them.

Here's all I know about Dubai: It's one of those somewhere-over-there places where they make sand.

Players don't usually like anybody who makes more money than they do.

I think newspapers will survive in some form or another.

Golf is 90% mental. Once you know how to hold the club, swing it, it's all in the mind.

Real golf is the 20 million people who play once a week or once a month.

I hate political correctness.

Until Sammy Baugh - pro football in Texas was a one-paragraph story on the third page of the Monday sports section.

Presidents are nice people. They're nice, fun-loving people who have great jobs.

There are no Dave Marrs anymore.

I quickly discovered that trying to go play golf while living in Manhattan was about as easy as trying to grab a taxi while standing out in front of Saks Fifth Avenue in the freezing rain on the last shopping day before Christmas.

Of course, Dwight D. Eisenhower gets credit for doing more for golf than any other White House resident, a mid- to high-handicapper though he was.

The PGA Championship, last of the majors each year, might well be accustomed to having fun poked at it by the print press for being mired in August, but this isn't fair.

Being a club pro and all, a guy trying to keep up with golf's modern technology, I hadn't found much time for Internet dating, but then one day I knew I'd met the girl of my dreams when she replied to a comment I'd made on You-and-Me.com. She said, 'I love it when you talk equipment to me.'

I am among those who firmly believe that a round of golf should not take more than three and a half hours, four at most. Anything longer than that is not a round of golf, it's life in Albania.