Quotes from Garry Shandling

When I give notes on a script, I say, 'Guys, I may drift, but it's part of the process.' So I'm aware that I'm drifting, but I'm grabbing a lot of stuff.

Which is, I'm an optimist that two people can be together to work out their conflicts. And that commitment, I think, might be what love is, because they both grow from their relationship.

Oysters are supposed to enhance your sexual performance, but they don't work for me. Maybe I put them on too soon.

My second or third year in the engineering department, I got very frustrated, and I sat down with myself and had a soul-searching conversation with myself and said, 'What I'd really like to do is see if I can write comedy.' ... I moved to L.A. stone cold. Didn't know anybody; didn't know how to go about it. Really started from scratch.

Some people think the world will end in 2012. I think we've got until 2014. I'm an optimist.

I've never had anyone put on a puppet show to convince me of anything. And I've done a lot of stuff. I don't know that I would put the puppets on when I was pitching a show. This was the head of the studio putting a puppet show on. And I'll tell you, he wasn't bad.

I am pretty tenacious as a perfectionist in terms of getting something right.

I'm dating a homeless woman. It was easier talking her into staying over.

I have such poor vision I can date anybody.

I think it's one of the main negative emotional ingredients that fuels show business, because there's so much at stake and the fear of failure looms large.

My dog watches me on TV. So, if I may take this opportunity, "No! No! No!"

Im too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I dont know.

Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry Sanders.

I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead.

I practice safe sex - I use an airbag.

I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.

I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.