Quotes from Alan Alda

I've been an improviser since I was in my twenties. There's really no failing in improv. You just go on to the next thing.

In order to fight a war (probably the most extreme form of poor communication), unfamiliarity is the preferred state of mind.

You're going to learn if something's bad. It's not like you're going to say, 'Well, that lion was really unpleasant. I think maybe I'll come back here and see if I like it the next time.

The person who's communicating something is responsible for how well the other person follows him.

it could be selling you anything. It could be a cult religion that could separate you from friends and family, or a quack medicine that could leave you paralyzed, or bogus political information that causes you to elect a numbskull to the presidency. God forbid.

There is no hidden meaning to life ... looking for one is our problem solving brain chasing its tail

While leadership is important, just as important is how leadership is communicated. On the one hand, you can command good performance from someone in exchange for not firing them. On the other hand, you might be able to ignite the desire in a person to perform well by tuning in to their state of mind.

When you're with someone, try labeling … is Jack upset? Is Jane excited? … It'll change how you hear what they're saying.

life itself was an improvisation in which I was going to have to deal with what came to me and not think about what should have come.

As long as it doesn't seem fake, the more we establish familiarity with our audience - not speaking to them from left field or from on high - the better chance we have that they'll listen to what we have to say. And possibly even accept it.

Freud said that life is all about being able to love and to work. And I think it is about those things. But it's also about play. Play can bring back the past, but even if it doesn't, play is now; play is fun. More than ever, I have the feeling that all of what we do that counts is just love and work and play.

I had always wondered why people wanted to be rich and famous. If you could be rich and anonymous, that would be fun. To be famous and not rich, the way we were, was the least fun. It takes time and effort to be famous, and if they offer you fame without the money, don't take it. It's a scam.

Raquel Welch, whom I've met but never kissed, once called the brain an erogenous zone.

In fact, it's not until about the age of four or five that it even occurs to children that deception is possible. There's no point in lying if everybody knows what you're thinking!

My kidneys were expecting orange juice. Silly kidneys.

You can't get there by bus, only by hard work, risking, and by not quite knowing what you're doing. What you'll discover will be wonderful: Yourself!

Aristotle is often quoted as saying that a story should have a beginning, a middle, and an end. That's true, but I don't think that's the whole story. After all, a dead cat has a beginning, a middle, and an end.

Paul Sills said "Reach into the dark and get the answer." That stuck with me. If you had the courage not to know the answer beforehand, it would come to you. If you could trust yourself *not knowing* was an exciting place to be.

We were developing empathy and the ability to be aware of what was happening in the mind of another person. This, we realized, is the key, the fundamental ingredient without which real communication can't happen. Developing empathy and learning to recognize what the other person is thinking are both essential to good communication, and are what this book is about.

Most research, I think, can only suggest, or point toward, an insight of some kind.

If I'm trying to explain something and you don't follow me, it's not simply your job to catch up. It's my job to slow down. This is at the heart of communicating: If I tell you something without making sure you got it, did I really communicate anything? Was I talking to you, or was I just making noises? In the mirror exercise, is the leader enabling the follower to follow, or is he just waving his arms?

You could measure how long I would remember that moment by the redness of my cheeks. My father saw that I liked projects and taught me how to make lamps out of Chianti bottles.

It's being so aware of the other person that, even if you have your back to them, you're observing them. It's letting everything about them affect you; not just their words, but also their tone of voice, their body language, even subtle things like where they're standing in the room or how they occupy a chair. Relating is letting all that seep into you and have an effect on how you respond to the other person.

I took a bold step and stopped reading the scientists' research papers before I met with them. I would come in armed only with curiosity and my own natural ignorance. I was learning the value of bringing my ignorance to the surface. The scientists could see exactly how much I already understood, and they could start there.