Quotes from Lisa Lampanelli

People with HIV and AIDS are nothing to be afraid of. They are people just like every single one of us, and each has a story to tell. These people should be helped, embraced, and not dismissed. We need to open our hearts and our minds to them, and we just may learn we're pretty much all the same.

I always wrote about myself in the third person. I knew how to promote myself so it sounded intelligent. I know how to package myself.

With Don Rickles and me, we're just telling the truth. We're not terrific people, and we're not gonna win the beauty contest. We're just average Joes. We're just being who we are, and I think people like that.

I would make a few jabs at myself and go for the audience - they are still as flawed as ever.

I order food like a normal human being. If I'm out to lunch, I'm going to order three courses like everybody else. I'm not going to feel like some kind of freak.

That's the whole thing: You only roast the ones you love. That's why I never make fun of the French.

William Shatner is living proof that if you are talented and nice, you can work in this industry forever.

The only reason I was allowed to have a career for a quarter century as an insult comic is because it's all in jest and all for fun.

I gained weight, and that started a 32-year struggle with weight and exercise and body image problems.

I'm a take-no-prisoners type of comic, and I'm lucky because my fans get me and never have a problem with the politically incorrect themes of my act. But I am continually amazed by how a certain section of our society seems to be so freakin' sensitive about jokes.

I hate comics who look at comedy as therapy. But at least it gets things out of my system in a funny way.

Andy Dick is so gay, he thinks Margaret Cho is funny.

Interesting-looking people have always been comedians, and it's rare that someone who has the choice to model ends up being a comic. Except for maybe Whitney Cummings, but that's about it. That's why she's special: because she can combine it.

What you bring to the stage is what you are in real life... people sense that.

I just really work hard on myself every day.

Ticket sales will get higher the day after roasts.

I've never wanted to be a person where somebody would be like, 'I like her; she's okay.' Love or hate is fine, because it sells tickets.

I'm obsessed with reality TV anyway - I use my knowledge of that stuff to make jokes on Twitter and Facebook to get more people to sign up to be fans.

When I say I'm going gangster, I'm working really hard at something.

I really think the biggest honor, as a comic, is to get roasted by either the Friars Club or the Comedy Central or someone like that. Because it really shows, you know, that you've arrived.

None of my comedy depended on looks. I never did tons of fat jokes.

Too many people have already lost their lives to HIV and AIDS, and the more celebrities who can bring attention to the issue, the better.

The thing is, in the dating profiles it says 'spiritual, ' but not with a specific religion. And so I pretty much try to meditate, but I have a very hard time concentrating on things other than me.

I'm not gonna ruin my reputation with the blacks no more.