Quotes from Richard Lewis

I certainly wouldn't be a dental hygienist - they should get the Medal of Honor just to look at people's gums.

My performance level has risen - and my anxiety-level has sky-rocketed.

I never gave much thought to anything since I was 22 years old, when I got into the arts, so when Larry David came to my house in 2000, I didn't even think about it - I just thought about showing up on the set.

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.

I was arrested today for scalping low numbers at the deli.

Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call.

I love being famous. It validates that I have something to say.

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.

When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life.

During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else.

I'll speak for me, though it's hard for me to speak for myself because I don't know who I am

My act is always a work in progress. I pray I have a bad day before a show.

I was 23, and all sorts of people were coming in and out and watching me, like Steve Allen and Bette Midler. David Brenner certainly took me under his wing. To drive home to my little dump in New Jersey often knowing that Steve Allen said, 'You got it' - that validation kept me going in a big, big way.

When I was younger, I listened to the greats: Winters, Mel and Carl, Nichols and May, Pryor, Carlin, Klein, Berman and lots of Lenny Bruce albums. But once I started doing fairly well, I didn't want to hear anybody's jokes or premises.

There's a thin line between narcissism, even if it's a healthy narcissism, and entertainment.

I'm psyched-up when I do radio. I can reach hundreds of thousands of people in a market. And way psyched-up when I'm on television. For people not to take it seriously is foolish.

I never wanted to do observational humor because I never wanted to tell people what they were seeing.

My grandmother was a Jewish juggler: she used to worry about six things at once.

I'm 70; I'm just glad I'm on top of the ground. Honest to God.

My wife's hip, beautiful and independent and never jealous.

If you want to devote yourself to the arts, you'd better do it strictly from passion, because there is zero guarantee that you'll get anywhere. The hardest thing is dealing with business people who have nothing to do with your art. They could care less that you're up at 4:30 in the morning writing a joke. Don't expect any sympathy from anybody.

I know what my sweet spot has been. It's personal stuff, dysfunction, fear of intimacy, family stuff, psychology stuff. I eviscerate myself onstage.

During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else.

My humor is channeling everything through my brain. For example, when I talk about something, it's how Richard Lewis feels about it. I'm a storyteller. I do a lot of free association.