Quotes from Sean Evans

Before Julius Erving, being a stylish basketball player meant 13 ounces of pomade in your hair and color coordinating the belt in your shorts with your canvas sneakers. Dr. J was a transcendent figure athletically, but he also changed the aesthetics of the sport.

The NBA was once a league full of guys who topped out at 5-foot-9, wore belts in their shorts, and reeked of pomade. When it came to dishing the ball there was only one option: the bounce pass. The game's changed a lot since then.

Once you're past the age of, say, 11, you should stop idolizing athletes. You look ridiculous wearing the jersey of a guy who is younger and wealthier than you are.

If there's one thing Eagles and Giants fans can agree on, it's a mutual disdain for Skip Bayless.

When humiliation begets heartbreak, your clothing permeates with a stench of desperation that only women can smell.

In the late '90s and early 2000s, basketball was more about making your defender look stupid than scoring. Seriously. You could miss every layup, so long as you turned an ankle or buckled a knee.

It's not easy to embarrass the University of Arkansas. The place is basically a truck stop with a quad.

It's easy to forget about the Memphis Grizzlies because, well, they play in Memphis.

When I'm a little kid watching Chicago Bears games, hot salsa would be on the table and the first time I was like, 'Ah, this is hot Dad, get mild salsa,' and he was like: 'Not in my house. We have real salsa. And if you can't handle real salsa then you can just eat dry chips.'

There's something about supposed experts making millions of dollars to bark tired sports cliches that makes our blood boil. And it should.

Not everyone's going to agree to eat chicken wings, that's obviously an enormous catch to our show, that's an enormous ask. It's not easy to get anyone to do your show, but on 'Hot Ones,' you have to eat scorching-hot chicken wings. So it's always going to be a challenge to book, in my opinion, no matter how popular it is in the zeitgeist.

Gamers are horrible roommates because they monopolize the TV with something less watchable than 'The Mob Doctor' and, if that wasn't irritating enough, have the audacity to scream combat commands through a head set.

I remember me and my brother would watch 'Beavis and Butthead' or 'South Park,' but we'd be all secret about it because we didn't want our dad to know. And then before I know it, I'm in fourth grade and me, my brother, and my dad are watching 'South Park' together.

Entering a club is an insufferable two-way street and the patrons are just as guilty as the doormen.

Celebrity is this thing that's unattainable. This unattainable lifestyle. This unattainable social status. But there's nothing more commonplace than dying from hot sauce.

We've all had classes with a professor so bland and monotone that their lectures sound like Mitt Romney reading 'Paradise Lost' from a blown speaker.

Contending that top-level, male high school basketball players are better than WNBA all-stars, while blatantly obvious, makes us feel uncomfortable to write.

Never underestimate how profoundly marked biceps and defined traps can improve your personal style, particularly if you spend as much time in a sleeveless shirt as Nate Thurmond.

We don't really want to be the 'Late Night' of the Internet. We want to have one foot in the mainstream, one foot in the underground.

For many an awkward, pigeonholed high school kid, the first day on campus is a chance to re-introduce themselves to the world. In most cases, this is an unfortunate occasion.

Chicago fans are the most insufferable in all sports.

Attempting to squash your permeating stench of a loser by bum rushing every girl you come across is a bad look.

Stadiums are notoriously bad for cell phone reception. Spending the majority of a game trying to post an Instagram'd picture of the field isn't just pitiful, it's damn near hopeless.

When you consider the depths to which major college football coaches are willing to sink in order to protect their programs, Tyrann Mathieu's dismissal from LSU is staggering.