Quotes from Tim Minchin

If I had a religion, its deity would be Audysseus, the sound God, and He would be a vengeful god, dishing out eternal damnation to people with cheap stage monitors.

Isn't this enough? Just this world? Just THIS?

Respect people with less power then you. I don't care if you're the most powerful cat in the room, I will judge you on how you treat the least powerful. So there.

Once you reject evidence as a source of knowledge, you don't gotta believe nothin' you don't like.

It's an incredibly exciting thing, this one, meaningless life of yours.

Dad was known for his barbecues at weekends and bubble and squeak on Sundays. We'd all have to set the table and clear the table. We had our own seats, totally structured.

Comedy is often a short career because you get to a point where you are no longer a small thing punching up at targets; you are the big thing, and it's hard to write from that position.

Science is not a body of knowledge nor a system of belief; it is just a term which describes humankind's incremental acquisition of understanding through observation. Science is awesome.

The day they discover yoga mats are carcinogenic will be the happiest day of my life.

My most visceral childhood memory is getting home from hockey. Much of our family time revolved around hockey, and it rains a lot in Perth, and we'd get home tired and wet in our tracksuits, and the smell I'd hold in my nose is of mother's vegetable soup.

I have these rhyme-based ideas because I love Julia Donaldson. 'The Snail and the Whale' is one of the most beautiful poems, and I feel like I could do that.

I'm not a good philanthropist yet; I'm not as good as I'd like to be... I believe very hard in luck. It's all chance; therefore, any privilege you have is chaos.

Given that everyone's got a voice, it's the age of the democratisation of information through digital technology. That means women can rise up, and people of colour can rise up, and these stories are much more present to us. And that's great.

I just do what I gotta do and try to show people I can write some funny lyrics and play piano, and hopefully that'll make them dig further. I really believe in my form. That's why I haven't done a lot of telly, and I'm not a regular on any panel shows, and I'm not in a sitcom or all those things.

I know people come to my shows expecting me to give voice to some of the frustrations that nice, happy, progressive people like me have with the world.

London's my favourite place. I lived in Crouch End for years and come back as much as I possibly can.

It's about the audience - if they laugh and clap, you feed off that, and if they don't, you doubt everything you've ever done.

In terms of comedy, I never did five-minute sets or clubs or anything. I just started doing shows. Coming from that theater background, it never crossed my mind that I should start doing five-minute sets.

I had terrible ear problems and asthma and allergies. I spent quite a bit of time in hospital up to the age of eight so was not - am still not - extraordinarily intelligent.

I saw 'The Wild Duck' at the Belvoir St. Theatre in Sydney, and it was one of the best pieces of theatre I'd ever seen.

My daughter was two weeks old when I wrote 'White Wine in the Sun.' I can remember just sobbing and having to leave the room.

The Internet now is completely full of memes, and it's interesting, the idea that instead of having a sign crotched on your door or a magnet on your fridge saying whatever cliches and bon mots, pictures laid out with some text are passed around and move really fast.

If we talk about 'Groundhog Day' as a humanistic text - we only have one life, and there's no punishment or reward afterwards - then the wisdom is, just be kind because that will make you happy and the people around you happy.

My brother and I played music together, and we all liked to show off. But I wasn't a particularly musical kid. I did piano lessons and quit. I got kicked out of the choir.