Quotes from Keith Allen

I'm delighted that the BBC has given me the chance to delve into the murky world of 'The Body Farm.'

My father was in the navy. I always found it a bit strange that he would choose to spend an extraordinary amount of time underneath the water in a submarine with 60 men.

I don't think I've ever hurt anybody. I think I'll stand up on the day of judgment and go, 'Yeah? So what?'

Anything to do with Heathrow is a nightmare.

It's much easier being a father to girls. Boys are just horrible. Then girls come into their own around 12 when they're nightmares too.

If you're on a film set for 48 weeks of the year, you're nowhere near reality. You can't emote like a human being.

Obviously I have propagated the occasional myth about myself, because the real me, I'm not worth knowing.

I didn't really do any acting until I was about 28. I just did odd jobs.

Vanity takes a lot of work. I'm too lazy to be vain.

If the press can take the easy option, they will. To them, I'm always 'the wild man.'

I was brought up on stuffed hearts, cabbage and mashed potatoes. It's repulsive, when I look back - I used to go to the butchers to get Mum's sausages, and I would cut one off and squeeze the inside of it straight into my mouth. Insane!

I'm very good at pretending to be subservient; I'm really good at it.

I don't like the taste of alcohol.

I only did the comedy thing because I just thought I could do it better than anyone else at the time. And I was right.

I love all aspects of performance.

I'm actually a rather dull man.

Unlike virtually everyone else, I know how to work a room. That comes in pretty handy. If you're not getting any laughs, then at least you can make people watch you.

I loathe the very thought of airports and also airlines taking as much from you as possible and giving very little back.

I've always maintained if you want to act you should get yourself a life first.