Quotes from Jerry Lewis

A woman doing comedy doesn't offend me, but sets me back a bit. I, as a viewer, have trouble with it. I think of her as a producing machine that brings babies in the world.

I never tell an audience what they can expect. I never have, and I never will.

My dad was a stickler for teaching me the pratfall. There is something magical about taking a good fall, and when it works, when you get that laugh, there's no better feeling in the world.

Marriage is the result of the longing for the deep, deep peace of the double bed after the hurly-burly of the chaise-longue.

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose.

Every mans dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.