Quotes from Gary Shteyngart

The phrase "I live for my kids," for example, is tantamount to admitting that one will be dead shortly and that one's life, for all practical purposes, is already over. "I'm gradually dying for my kids" would be more accurate.

I wanted to save them from themselves, from the idiotic consumer culture that was bleeding them softly. I

IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE EXISTENCE OF THIS VEHICLE ("THE OBJECT") UNTIL YOU ARE .5 MILES FROM THE SECURITY PERIMETER OF JOHN F. KENNEDY INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT. BY READING THIS SIGN YOU HAVE DENIED EXISTENCE OF THE OBJECT AND IMPLIED CONSENT.

TOGETHER WE'LL SURPRISE THE WORLD!

he would get all intro on me, turn down the community access on his äppärät so that I wouldn't know where the fuck his mind was, and

because when he gets really drunk he can't really handle stairs, or at least you have a lot of warning when he does.

The House on the Hill was in a tizzy. At long last, it was time to go home.

When things are tough with my family," she said, "I like to watch Trump, because he just takes my mind off stuff. No matter what happens personally, there's this much greater disaster taking place.

The nesting doll of memory collapses into its component pieces, each leading someplace smaller and smaller [...]

I like to watch Trump, because he just takes my mind off stuff. No matter what happens personally, there's this much greater disaster taking place.

We are finally no longer critically relevant to the world economy. The rest of the globe is strong enough to decouple from us. We, our country, our city, our infrastructure, are in a state of freefall.

beautifully bungled prepositions. Language

Together we all looked like we had been plucked from the distant decade of 1980–89 and deposited into this dull, awkward future, a bunch of poorly dressed sinners throwing ourselves at the mercy of Christ, who was always sharp-looking and trim, graceful in pain, kindly in Heaven. I

Vodka has a huge history in Russia, in that it's almost like a currency. It's the one thing that keeps the country in the dark ages and having a rollicking good time.

You want to read a book? That requires introspection. It requires time away from people and time away from the constant need to communicate and to connect.

Communications devices were always used to effect change, to effect revolution. Telephone, telegraph - these all seemed like very big enhancements at the time.

The best thing about the iPhone is this that tells me where I am all the time. There's never a need to feel lost anymore.

The love I felt for her on that train ride had a capital and provinces, parishes and a Vatican, an orange planet and many sullen moons -- it was systemic and it was complete.

In America, everyone writes but no one reads. Everyone's writing all day long - sending emails, tweets, text messages; they all think they're James Cameron's Avatar, performing in some video game for which they make up the script.

The memoirs I love are all very intense. If you're going to do a memoir and protect yourself, what the hell's the point? Just do fiction.

I feel safe with him because he is so not my ideal and I feel like I can be myself because I'm not in love with him.

I love librarians more than any other people in the world. When I was an immigrant kid, they've made me feel like a human being and they gave me books that taught me English.

I was very, very sick when I was growing up in Russia. The ambulance constantly came to our house. I had horrible asthma that is easily treated in America, but they didn't even have inhalers back in Russia.

I read real books. On paper. You know, those printed books? I feel like this is the last thing I do to support my industry. I think they smell great, too.