Quotes from Ben Elton

And through all that dreadful darkness she had remembered him. He who loved her. He who still loved her. Who would always love her.

To positively discriminate in favour of groups that have been negatively discriminated against in the past.

The worst thing about being a great power is when you're not one any more. It takes centuries to get over it.

Any closer would unravel her mystery, the very thing which made her so truly beautiful...It was her mystery that he adored. He was in love with everything that he did not know about her... No real sexual encounter could ever match the secret one that he could nurture in his imagination... No living flesh could ever be the erotic equal of flesh kept private, untouchable and unknowable

We've just lost our way, that's all. But what if you could give us a chance to do better? Just one chance? One single move in the great game of history? What's your best shot? What would you consider to be the greatest mistake in world history and, more to the point, what single thing would you do to prevent it?

The reactionary point of view was always so easy to put, the complex, radical argument always so easy to put down.

You're mugging old ladies every bit as much if you pinch their pension fund

A society sufficiently sophisticated to produce the internal combustion engine has not had the sophistication to develop cheap and efficient public transport?' 'Yes, boss... it's true. There's hardly any buses, the trains are hopelessly underfunded, and hence the entire population is stuck in traffic

New York will always seem more real than anything Britain has to offer. It is strange that, although the majority of British people have never seen a skate-boarding body-popper, an exploding fire-hydrant, or anybody dunk a doughnut, these things seem infinitely more immediate and happening images than that jar of Horlicks which has stood in the cupboard for 40 years

Because they're twins. they've got each other, wolf. This is a tough town in a tough world. But no matter how tough it get - our boys will always have each other.

What the matter wit' your momma? She only know one name?' Stone

You... you don't look like a Jew,' she heard him mumble. 'What does a Jew look like, you fatuous bastard'? - 'Do you think I should have a nose like a boat hook, you stupid old prick!

Screw humanity. I don't give the whole stinking bunch of us more than a couple of generations and good riddance. The universe is better off without us.

I see dull people as projects ... to be reformed

Don't you understand? We're fighting an election here and the first rule is you can say anything you like, then deny you said it, then say it again.

It's a curse to have a mind if it is illegal to use it. It's a curse to have intelligence if you are forced to cloak it in a lifetime of wilful stupidity.

So far no one has claimed responsibility.

We prefer "survivor".' 'But this particular woman is dead,' Matlock pointed out. 'Yes.' 'So "survivor" isn't really an appropriate term.' 'I'm aware of that. What we need is a new term for survivors of assault who died.

I don't know what people who I've never met think about me. Some have written horrible things, some have written nice things - but I'm proud of the fact I've remained close to everyone I've ever worked with.

I'm lucky because the strongest emotion I have ever felt is being in love, and that definitely informs my writing.

Time is not linear. It does not go along on a steady course like a road from London to York. It does not have a beginning and it does not have an end, nor is it the same to one person as it is to another, nor to two planets or a million stars. It is different in all circumstances. Because it is relative.

She wondered if perhaps it was something to do with marking their territory. Like dripping on the floor.

Scarcely a year after Hitler had been handed power, something of what he had always claimed about the Jews had actually come to pass. He said they were different. And they had become different. He had accused them of being furtive and sneaky. And they had become furtive and sneaky. Covering up. Lying low. Watching the door. Hiding away. Survival rats. Constantly nervous, trying to blend in, avoiding people's

Dinner? You want to eat with me?' 'That's right, a Jew and queer, eh? The SS would love that, wouldn't they? Perhaps we can plot an assassination attempt.