Quotes from Peter Kay

You can't not do stand-up for seven years and then not expect anyone else to come along. That's life, things move on.

Being a comedian is probably the only job apart from undertaking that isn't age restricted.

It's lonely being stuck in a hotel in London for two nights. Even a couple of nights away from the children is awful.

Old women with mobile phones look wrong.

I don't really see the point in offensive comedy.

If my mum or my wife says that something isn't funny, I know I've struck gold.

Audiences want comedy that has no venom. They want to have a laugh without it becoming twee.

If you're struggling and you just get a sense when you're writing that you might be running out of ideas, that's when I think you should walk away.

Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

Garlic bread - it's the future, I've tasted it.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.