Quotes from Romesh Ranganathan

Our house was repossessed and we lived in a B&B until we got a council house. It was a struggle, but Mum just got her head down, found cleaning jobs and never complained. I owe her a lot, so I now do everything she says.

I would not have succeeded as a comedian had I not had some hugely lucky breaks.

I'm not suggesting I met a significant enough number of them to constitute a robust sample size, but I am saying that my general impression of Sri Lankans is that they are friendly, chatty and hospitable people.

New Year's resolutions have always been something to beat myself up with by the second week of January. It seems perverse to set yourself up for failure right at the start of the year.

There is a magical, unexplainable phenomenon that still occurs to this day where, however funny you think the material you've written is, as soon as you turn up to a gig to try it out, it becomes almost incoherent.

Veganism is a point of contention all year round. So much so that many vegans cut themselves off from the rest of society, huddling together for warmth and smugness, and using online forums to vent their disgust at the morally corrupt dairy- and meat-eating savages who make up most of the populace.

People say that I'm quite grumpy and negative on stage and that I surely can't be like that off it, but I really am.

The key to a happy marriage is myself being absent for long periods of time. My wife Leesa and I will celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary next year, but if my comedy gigs petered out and I was around the house more, we'd 100% be getting divorced.

My beard is just an ongoing effort to hide my face as much as possible.

People assume that your audience is full of people who love you. But, typically, it's one person in four who's chosen to come and has convinced some other people to go with them.

Having curry for breakfast is a thing of beauty.

I am not obliged to tackle racism wherever and whenever it occurs, nor am I qualified to do so.

I've done bits where I've perhaps talked about my kids annoying me and you hope that the audience realise that you do actually love your children. You can still be a good parent and be frustrated by your kids.

Years later, when I was working as a trolley wally in a supermarket, I tackled the boredom by talking to the customers in as many different accents as I could manage. I started with one that I didn't think would alert any suspicion - generic Asian - then moved on to Irish, Welsh, Australian and American.

I used to do standup about footballers; they are easy targets because they are traditionally seen as stupid.

I chose to be a maths teacher because I thought the marking would be easy. You'd just tick and cross, whereas if you're an English teacher, you've got to read essays. Then they said I had to analyse the methodology. It takes an eternity, it's insane!

It's such a privileged thing to say, but I'm still that same lazy person!

I have read that, when you are writing or working on something creative, and your attention wanders, your brain is processing and working on what you have just done. But I find it hard to believe that my brain is really taking five hours to fully process the seven minutes I have managed to spend focused on one thing.

I owe much of my success to Seann Walsh. He kept recommending me for Live At The Apollo until eventually the producers offered me a gig.

My problem is that we are all listening to music in a more disposable fashion.

I mean, my stand-up is very honest and exposing in this way. I probably carry that into everything I do.

When my wife and I promised the rest of our lives to each other, I doubt either of us suspected that life would involve quite so much TV.

Trumpeting diversity undermines what you are trying to achieve in the first place. It should happen without fanfare.

I thoroughly enjoy my children's birthdays, despite the fact their parties are an apocalyptic mix of hall-booking, Nerf-gun-hiring, refreshment-organising and talking to parents whose names you've forgotten.