Quotes from Colin Mochrie

There's many times this year I've sat back and thought, I'm making a living from making things up. It's the only skill I have so I've been really lucky.

Give me liberty or a bran muffin!

Give me liberty or give me a bran muffin!

There are so many things I'd like to change in the industry. Everything from the reliance of style over substance to their reluctance to hire me for big budget blockbusters, but the thing I would love most would be if they understood people don't have to be Hollywood beautiful to be sexy or interesting.

You know, in the 1970's, when I was in high school, I belonged to a band called the Happy Funk Band. Until an unfortunate typo caused us to be expelled from school.

I'm a traveling practical joker. That's my line of work.

To be a dramatic writer takes hard work, talent, and discipline. And that's why I just make up crap.

I have many favorite artists... Van Gogh as one, but he didn't really sing a lot!

Hey, Ryan, if Sting retires, will he change his name to Stung?

I'm handsome, no ands, buts or ifs.

We want to be funny. We want to make people laugh... We'll do whatever it takes.

Our top story tonight: Famous TV dolphin flipper was arrested today on prostitution ring charges. He allegedly was seen transporting two 16 year olds across state line for immoral porpoises.

When I'm on stage, it's a little world I've created where I'm sort of the thing, so I have total control over everything that happens. When we're improvising, I'm with someone I totally trust. I know things are going to work out. I don't have those guarantees in life. There are no consequences on stage.

My most important professional accomplishment to date is the ability to keep working with absolutely no skills whatsoever.

And if that isn't the truth, it would be a lie.

Last time I saw him he tried to murder me. But when you're trying to kill someone by chopping their head off, rolling them up in a carpet and lighting it on fire, you better make sure they're dead!