Quotes from Sean Lock

I now believe in God for my own ends. I'm not an altruistic Christian - I'm only doing it in case there is in fact a Heaven.

I am naturally cautious so I guess I am a saver. I'm a firm believer in not borrowing money, which is a lesson passed down to me from my parents and grandparents.

I never go in the sun without a shirt on and always use a moisturiser with an SPF every day on my face.

I've got genuine political reasons for not voting for David Cameron. He's got a tiny little mouth.

I always wear sunglasses and often a panama hat, even if I'm just walking in the park, if the sun is hot.

We do need sculpture. People always say: 'Well, that sculpture could have paid for a cot in a maternity ward.' But if the world had been run on those lines, there'd only be about four books, and they'd be seed-drill manuals.

I try not to be one particular type of comedian - I try to be foolish, and silly, and surreal, and quite angry and sarcastic and dry.

Real men don't listen. I think you can waste a lot of valuable time listening to what people are saying to you and, let's face it, it's rarely interesting or important.

I'd never been the class clown and comedy was not a fulfilment of a dream.

I hate moaning comics, but I do find it very frustrating when I switch on BBC Four or BBC Two to find they're repeating some piece of crap sitcom. I think: Why don't they show mine? Not because I'd make any money, it would just be nice for it to be shown.

There's an elusive element to comedy, but nobody gets it for free. That's why comedians seldom criticise each other.

I was 18 and had taken A-levels in Woking where I grew up. But I didn't want to go to university so left sixth-form college. My father was in the building industry and he found me a job stripping concrete panels off buildings. It was dangerous work on high scaffolds, sometimes 12 hours a day, Monday to Friday, and often weekends too.

My initial impression of the Welsh was that they were grumpier than I was!

Being the headliner is only more pressure if you're not very good.

To write anything decent, it's hard. Anything you want to be good is hard.

when michael jackson died i wonder if his life flashed before him and if it did, i wonder if he thought 'who's that little black kid singing my songs?!'

I finished tech college with just one A-level, which was an E in English, because I spent most of my time drinking and faffing around. Having one A-level is a bit like having a car with one wheel - pretty useless. So I ended up working on building sites.

I have my suits especially made in 50 per cent polyester. That way when I'm going to a gig I can just stuff them in a bag, whip them out and they don't looked creased when I'm on stage.

I liken all jobs to decorating. If you don't do the preparation, sand down and prime first, you won't get a good paint job, and that's the same as everything in life.

Billy Connolly is probably the greatest stand-up this country has ever produced and he swears all the time.

On '8 Out Of 10 Cats,' myself, Jimmy Carr and Jason Manford have got the producers around to our way of thinking - which is to trust us and allow us to ad-lib.

Real men don't know what they want for Christmas. Despite the fact I'm deeply disappointed every Christmas. I pride myself on not wanting anything. Children want things, women want things, dogs and cats want things, but men don't.

In those stupid online polls to find the best sitcom ever, 'Father Ted' never gets the credit it deserves.

I never moisturised until I got skin cancer. It totally changed my opinion on moisturising. I used to think using a face protector was a bit of a girly thing, now I've worked out it's actually essential to keep your skin healthy.