Quotes from Kurt Vonnegut

If what Jesus said was good, what can it matter whether he was God or not?

if there is a god, he sure hates people

God Almighty Himself must have been hilarious when human beings so mingled iron and water and fire as to make a railroad train!

I beg you to believe the most ridiculous superstition of all: that humanity is at the center of the universe, the fulfiller or frustrateor of the grandest dreams of God Almighty.

My God, the religious right will not acknowledge what a merciful person Jesus was.

The only proof he needed for the existance of God was music.

I can see where influential people would like Maharishi better than Jesus. My God, if the Beatles and Mia Farrow went to Jesus, He'd tell them to give all their money away.

Thank God for novelists. Thank God there are people willing to write everything down. Otherwise, so much would be forgotten.

The name of the new religion," said Rumfoord, "is The Church of God the Utterly Indifferent.

Traveling is like dancing lessons from God.

All the new technology seems redundant to me. I was quite happy with the United States mail service. And, I don't even have an answering machine, for God's sake.

If I should ever die, God forbid, I hope you will say, 'Kurt is up in heaven now.' That's my favorite joke.

Oh, God — the lives people try to lead. Oh, God — what a world they try to lead them in.

Take care of the people, and God Almighty will take care of Himself.

You can't teach people to write well. Writing well is something God lets you do or declines to let you do.

If God were alive today, He'd be an atheist.

About astrology and palmistry: they are good because they make people vivid and full of possibilities. They are communism at its best. Everybody has a birthday and almost everybody has a palm.

Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.

The triumph of anything is a matter of organization.

"Self-taught, are you?" Julian Castle asked Newt. "Isn't everybody?" Newt inquired. "Very good answer." Castle was respectful.

I would not be interested in writing if I didn't feel that what I wrote was an act of good citizenship or an attempt, at any rate, to be a good citizen.

People need good lies. There are too many bad ones.

Do you realize that all great literature is all about what a bummer it is to be a human being? Isn't it such a relief to have somebody say that?

The public health authorities never mention the main reason many Americans have for smoking heavily, which is that smoking is a fairly sure, fairly honorable form of suicide.